How To Interact With Students With Grace And Authority

When interacting with students, there are few very simple strategies we can use to become allies with our students from the beginning, thereby shifting their focus from pursuing their own agenda to pursuing a shared agenda.

What you have to understand is, you and the student both want the same thing. They want to learn martial arts; you want to teach them martial arts. They want to feel more confident and safe; you want to increase their confidence.

But until you win them over, they are just as likely to work against you in the classroom as they are to listen... which is why we need to gain their trust and their loyalty from the very start.

Winning Them Over To You

So, here's how we win them over:

1. Positive Reframing - In every verbal interaction with a student, we always take an undesirable behavior and reframe it verbally into a desired behavior.

So, instead of saying "stop fidgeting!" or "don't come out of that stance!" or "don't drop that knee from chamber," we say "black belt focus!" or "keep your knees bent... good, that's it!" or "hold that knee up so your kick will have more power and speed!"

By always speaking in positive statements ("do this" instead of "don't do that!") students subconsciously begin to associate us and our classroom with positive emotions. So, strike the following words from your teaching vocabulary:

• don't
  
• stop
  
• avoid
  
• can't
  
• quit
  

Now, we're going to reinforce the groundwork all our positive language has made with...

2. Positive Reinforcement - A big part of our job as instructors is to encourage good behaviors instead of finding undesirable behaviors to "fix." To do so, we need to pay attention to students, "find" those desirable behaviors, and encourage them when they happen.

This involves changing your focus from a "bad finder" to a "good finder." And when you see a student exhibiting a desirable behavior, you point it out and praise it immediately:

"Nice Brooke, excellent stance! I like the way you're dropping your weight over that back leg, and pointing that front foot in a straight line toward the direction of movement. Keep it up!"

- or -

"Bobby, outstanding black belt focus! Eyes forward, shoulders back, head up, and statue still! That is awesome!"

Speak to your students like this all the time, and before long they'll be doing these things all the time without needing to be told or corrected. And other students will adopt and model those behaviors because they are hungry for praise and approval as well.

3. Clear Expectations - There is nothing that will cause a kid to misbehave faster than when they don't know what the boundaries are and when there are no clear limitations on their behavior.

So, you need to have CLEAR rules for expected behavior in class. And, you need to remind students what is expected of them. 

Most of this will happen naturally as you do what I suggest in items 1 and 2 above, but you still should have a handout with simple, easy to understand "rules" that you can cover in 30 seconds or less with a new student and their parent.

4. A System of Rewards - A belt is a reward, but it shouldn't be the only reward in your school. You should also have other rewards for students to pursue.

This is why many schools use belt stripes, so they can reward students more often for their progress and dedication to training. In addition, you can reward students for other desirable behaviors as well.

In my tots classes, every student gets a sticker at the end of class, UNLESS they had a time out during class. If I have to give them a time out (yes, there is a system of discipline in place as well), then no sticker.

For older kids, we play a "fun drill" at the end of every class (younger kids get this as well). But if they get a time out during class, they don't get to play the fun drill at the end of class. It usually only takes one time for them to correct their behavior permanently.

We also have an academic achievement program where I give kids a star to sew on their uniform for every satisfactory report card they bring in to me. I've had kids who had stars all around their lapels and up and down both sides of their gi pants. Some people might look at this and think it's silly, but kids and parents love it and it gives them a REASON to do well in school.

The key here is to instill the value of hard work by cultivating a culture of achievement in your dojo, where everything is earned.

Relating All This To The New Student

For starters, I never discipline new students. Ever. I tell them on day one that everyone gets two weeks to learn the rules, and that it's okay if they make mistakes or forget rules during their first two weeks.

Also, I completely focus on positive reinforcement during their intro lesson (and of course in every class). This gets them on my side and bonds us as allies from the get-go. That strategy alone will prevent most negative behaviors in class.

Finally, I get down to the student's level. I am a large man, so I know I can be intimidating without meaning to be. So, when I am first speaking with a child, I kneel down and use my inside voice. I might even pitch my voice a little higher to make myself less intimidating.

And, I often use humor to put the student at ease. Usually, with kids this simply involves being a little bit silly. Not enough to make them lose respect for me, but enough to get a giggle or two out of a tense, nervous student.

Whatever it takes, I make that student comfortable to be in my presence. Once we've started to develop a bond, I keep building on it until that student has my trust.

And the flip side of that is, once I gain their trust I never abuse it. We'll talk more on that in a coming series, but for the purposes of this series just be aware that with trust comes responsibility.

Now, tomorrow I'm going to reveal how you finish that intro lesson, and I'm going to give you a template to follow that will help you map out your intro lesson for success. Stay tuned!