| Friend,
So yesterday I wrote to you about what to do before the prospect arrives at your school for the intro lesson. I also wrote to you about how to greet them when they arrive, and setting expectations before the lesson.
Today, it's time to discuss...
Interacting With The New Student
I already spoke about proper language earlier in this series, but I mostly talked about topics to avoid and keeping your language clean.
Today, I want to talk to you about how to speak to a new student when you are instructing them for the first time.
Speech and how we communicate with others is so very, very important. And, we have to remember to adjust our manner of speech based on who we are speaking to.
When I'm speaking to an instructor or black belt during training, I speak to them as an equal, with respect and somewhat formally. But when I'm speaking to a school owner or instructor outside of the training environment, I am much more informal.
And when I'm coaching a school owner, I am blunt, often to the point where it appears that I'm being rude. However, my intent is not to be rude, but instead to avoid wasting that school owner's time.
A big part of my job is getting to the heart of the matter, fast. I figure that school owners aren't coming to me because they want me to tickle their ears; they are coming to me as a sick patient comes to a surgeon, for a diagnosis and treatment plan. And I've never known a surgeon to mince words.
So, I tell it like it is. Sometimes it's hard for school owners to hear the truth, but for the most part they appreciate that I do so, because it allows them to immediately get down to the hard work of fixing what's broken so they can experience more satisfaction in their career as a martial arts instructor.
But the thing is, I am speaking to a black belt, someone who is fully mature (in most cases) and who has developed self-discipline and fortitude. They can take it.
Remember, "Kid Gloves!"
However, when I am speaking to students I take an entirely different approach. New students tend to be fragile emotionally and mentally. It's not that they are weak, but rather that they are in a new situation and environment, and dealing with an unfamiliar authority figure--this can all be very intimidating.
Moreover, they are almost always seeking the approval of an authority figure. Remember when I said that new students often come to us as damaged goods? This is not to say they are damaged people, but they are often hurting emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
So, a big part of our job as instructors is to NOT crap on them and make it worse. As instructors, we have a huge responsibility to build them up and help them find their strength. And language plays a major role in this process.
The Insensitive, Insecure Teacher
Think back to your school days. Everyone has a teacher that they didn't like, one that you can pick out among all the other teachers because they were the worst teacher that you had in 12 years of schooling.
Typically, these teachers that we saddle with the "bad teacher" label aren't necessarily bad teachers... they are merely insensitive, insecure, or both.
I had one teacher who became frustrated at my precociousness and intelligence, because I was bored with the curriculum and would finish the lessons before class even started. Often, I would blurt out answers in class without raising my hand, or point out errors she made while teaching, based on my having memorized the text.
Instead of channeling my energy and enthusiasm for learning toward more challenging endeavors, this teacher took my precociousness as a personal affront to her authority, and took every opportunity to belittle me for any minor shortcoming or mistake.
Was I a handful? Sure. But I was also a child. And, I was being abused at home and picked on at school. I was the typical, non-athletic, last picked on teams nerd who only felt comfortable in the classroom, where I knew I could shine.
So when she chose to make the one place I felt "safe" a hostile environment, it triggered a distrust of authority and a streak of rebellion in me that would result in my eventual delinquency and failure to graduate from high school.
All this from a few snide remarks in a classroom over the course of nine months.
Proactive vs. Reactive Instruction
So, as instructors we need to be above whatever is going on with our students. We need to recognize harmful and undesirable patterns of behavior for what they are... cries for help.
And, we need to transcend such minor details and distractions by always having a strategy that is one step ahead of whatever issues and personal challenges a student may be facing.
Consider that your classroom may be the only place where a student receives ANY positive reinforcement all week long. Your dojo might be the only sanctuary where that student feels protected and loved.
My strong advice to you is, don't *bleep* this up! And to avoid doing so, you need to take a proactive instead of a reactive approach to interacting with students. Here's the difference:
Reactive Instruction: - Deals with issues after the fact
- Focuses on punishment
- Leads to further conflict and resentment between student and instructor
Proactive Instruction: - Encourages desirable behaviors before issues arise
- Focuses on positive reinforcement
- Gets the student to see you as their ally very early on in the student-instructor relationship
How do we do this? Tomorrow, I'm going to break it down for you.
Until next time,
Mike Massie MartialArtsBusinessDaily.com
Quick-start Guide to My Books and Resources: - Looking for a list of books and resources I've written? Click here! - Looking for low-cost business coaching to grow your dojo? Click here…
P.S. - One thing we as instructors need to learn to do early on is to avoid bringing our own crap into the dojo and out on the floor. Turns out that the teacher I had who belittled me was dealing with some very difficult personal health issues that year. In retrospect as an adult, I can see why she didn't want to deal with me at the time. But also, as a professional, I can see where she shouldn't have allowed her personal issues to impact her job performance. So remember, when you walk into the school put on your happy face, no matter what is going on in your personal life.
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