In yesterday's email, I briefly mentioned some of the tactics that low-level grifters and non-violent sociopaths use to manipulate and coerce people into doing what they want.

Before I provide you with a few practical strategies for dealing with these types, I thought it might be a good idea to explain some of the common tactics that I've seen in action so you can recognize when they're being used on you.

Note that this info is NOT based on psychological research, but on my own personal experiences and observation, as well as personal research into criminal behavior. 

Also, as you read through these be aware that the expert manipulator will often use several of these tactics at once. They do this because they know if they can keep the target off-balance, they can use their confusion to gain an advantage.

Let's get started.

1. Moral outrage - People who are practiced at using manipulation to get what they want will often play off a normal and emotionally stable person's eagerness to maintain the status quo and keep people happy. One way they'll do this is to feign moral outrage, in an effort to make their target feel guilty for some imagined wrong or slight.

The ploy here is to convince the target that they have done something that was incredibly offensive to the manipulator, which sets the target up to make concessions that work in the manipulator's favor. This tactic works very well in today's society, where the culture of political correctness has convinced many people that they are obligated to validate the beliefs of others, regardless of how ridiculous they might be.

2. Making a scene - Expert manipulators know how to make a scene. Their goal is to create discomfort in the target and people around them, so they can use the heightened emotional state of others to get what they want. 

Often, what they want is merely to embarrass and humiliate the target. However, they'll also often use histrionics and hyperbole to garner sympathy from others, in an attempt to form a cabal or clique of persons who they can turn against the target, which fits nicely into a few of the other tactics I'll talk about in a minute. 

3. Threats and blackmail - A common tactic. Here are a few examples: "If you don't do 'X', I'll tell everyone you've been sexually harassing me." "What would your husband say if I told him you've been flirting with me?" "If I don't get a refund, I'll ruin your reputation around town! I know a lot of people in this town, and your name won't be worth dirt once I'm done."

Again, the goal of this tactic is to play on the "normal" person's desire to maintain the status quo, to keep people happy, and to avoid confrontation. Also, almost everyone spends at least some time worrying about what other people think about them. So, just the idea that someone would be spreading lies and rumors about them gives most sane people pause.

4. Emotional blackmail - This differs from the previous tactic in that the threat is not overt. In this tactic, the manipulator once again plays on the target's natural instincts to avoid causing anyone else harm or discomfort.

In using emotional blackmail, the manipulator will seek to convince their target that if the target does action A or does not do action B, then it will cause the manipulator to experience extreme emotional distress or some other harm. It bears mentioning that often there is no actual or logical connection between the action or non-action of the target and the supposed resulting impact on the manipulator.

Examples: "If I don't pass my brown belt exam, everyone will laugh at me and think I'm no good at martial arts." "You can't fire me. What will everyone think about me after this?" "If I don't get a refund, my family will starve."

5. Character assassination - This one is quite common, and it's a tactic that we see used in the media and online quite a lot these days. In rhetoric and logic, it's often used in the form of an ad hominem attack, whereby the speaker attempts to discredit his opponent's argument by making him appear untrustworthy or by undermining his authority on the subject.

However, for the non-violent sociopath this is merely a way to hurt their intended target. By making attacks on the character of their victim, they hope to cause them discomfort and grief. 

Remember that the sociopathic personality thrives on "winning" at the expense of others, and often this means hurting people they feel have slighted them in some way. When revenge is as easy as spreading rumors and lies to make their target look bad, well... you can guess that this is a tactic non-violent sociopaths are fond of using.

This is also similar to using threats and blackmail, except in this case the manipulator actually makes good on their threats.

6. Fomenting dissension - This is the first step before staging a coup. In this tactic, the manipulator uses rumor and innuendo to undermine the authority of the intended target, turning their supporters and admirers against them. This is a tactic that works well in social groups of any kind, and you can imagine that it would also work well in a martial art school.

I had this happen once with a disgruntled parent. She felt that her child wasn't being promoted quickly enough, so she began a campaign to spread dissent among the other parents. Her favorite tactic was dropping snide remarks to others whenever I wasn't around, or just out of earshot so I couldn't respond. I'd only hear about it later from other students and clients, after the damage was done.

Obviously, the initial goal here is to make the target look bad. But more importantly, the end goal is to undermine the target's authority in order to set up the next logical step in their plan.

7. Staging a coup - Manipulators are all about power and control. If they can wrest that control from their enemies, so much the better. So, after spending a great deal of time undermining their target's authority using character assassination and false accusations, the next step is to stage a coup.

They'll do this by gathering the supporters and co-conspirators they gained during the "fomenting dissension" stage, after which they'll lead an attempt to either remove their target from their position of authority, or to blackmail them into acceding to their demands.

In the martial art school setting, this might involve a group of students or clients approaching a higher-ranking black belt or someone in a position of authority in the organization, with allegations of some alleged misconduct on the part of the target.

Or, those staging the coup might gather their mob and confront the instructor with a set of demands. If their demands are not met, they'll threaten to leave the school en masse. In either scenario, the instructor is put in a very difficult situation, and one that leaves her with few options or countermeasures.

8. Environmental disruption - This tactic is simple but powerful in its simplicity, as it involves nothing more than making life difficult for the target. This is done by disrupting their immediate environment in some way, often in a very passive-aggressive manner.

One example of this might be a parent who dislikes the instructor's policy that parents do not talk during class. So, they might do something like tapping a nail or a pen on a table or chair during class, or they'll type on a laptop during class, or bring an infant or toddler-aged sibling into the observation area, knowing full well they'll disrupt the class.

Note that the real goal here might be to cause the target to lose their cool and react in such a way that makes them look bad to others. This behavior on the part of the target can then be used to support character assassination or to justify fomenting dissension against the target.

9. Gaslighting - Gaslighting is making someone believe that a real phenomenon is all in their head. It's a subtle and incredibly harmful tactic that's used by manipulative persons to keep the target off balance and constantly second-guessing their instincts and senses.

Abusers use this tactic quite often, because nothing is more satisfying to a sociopath than causing their intended target to suffer by making them think they're crazy. 

Likewise, an expert manipulator will use gaslighting to nullify their target's countermeasures, convincing them that whatever suspicions they have about the manipulator are unfounded. This keeps their target from acting on their suspicions until it's too late to prevent the situation from escalating.

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If you come from a relatively stable and functional background, you likely read the above with quite a bit of skepticism, and even some disdain. Perhaps you're saying to yourself, "Surely Massie is exaggerating here. People don't actually act like this, do they?"

But for those who have experienced abuse themselves, or who have been targeted by a non-violent sociopath, or who work in fields where they come in contact with such types daily, these tactics are already well known to them.

However, once you begin to accept that there are high-functioning crazy people in society, and that chances are good that you're going to be dealing with them every single day, it's easy to become jaded in your dealings with others.

This is especially true if you've been the target of this sort of abusive behavior in the past. So, we need to not only know how to defuse or combat this sort of behavior, but we also need to know how to delineate between normal interpersonal conflict and true manipulation.

I'll speak about this more tomorrow. In my next email, I'm going to provide you with some tips for how to spot real manipulative behavior, and I'll give you some tactics for squashing it when it happens.