Alright, let's talk about how to deal with toxic students.

Dealing with toxic students and clients is a three-part process. For those of you who study the psychology of self-defense, this is going to be very familiar ground for you.

Let's begin.

Step #1: Screening

The first step in dealing with toxic students is to never get them in the first place. This means you need to have a screening process in place in your dojo.

Do you take just any Joe Blow off the street? Is the only prerequisite for someone enrolling in your school the ability to pay for lessons?

Well, then you're going to have a lot of problems with toxic students. And if you want to avoid most of these issues, you need to start screening people who come into your school.

That means having an application process, which can consist of nothing more than an evaluation period for each new student. In the past, I have used one week and one month for the evaluation period, and I let every new student know they are being evaluated to see if they are a good fit for the school.

This sets the stage and it gives me time to see if this is a person I want to be working with. For one, I don't want to teach sociopaths and criminals how to fight. And second, I don't want disruptive students in my classes.

If I see that someone isn't following the rules, they are disruptive, they like roughing other students up, or I just get a bad feeling about them, I will let them walk. I'll tell them that I don't think they're a good fit for my school, I'll refund their money, and I'll send them on their way.

Be advised, if they really are toxic, their crazy will likely come out at this time. And if it does, please pay attention to the tips that follow.

Step #2: Intervention

"Intervention" means getting ahead of the situation. It involves recognizing problem people and situations before they occur, and dealing with them before they get out of hand. 

Practically speaking, it's taking care of a spark before it turns into a brush fire. And, this requires that you learn to spot those "sparks" before they can become flames.

An example of this would be a student who mutters comments under their breath after being assigned a task or given instruction. This could indicate that they are merely confused or uncertain, or it might mean that they are challenging your authority.

The inexperienced instructor's instinct might be to squash this behavior like a bug. However, if you publicly humiliate a student, your actions may backfire and you might end up making an enemy where you could have won someone over. The better response would be to calmly address the situation.

"Did you have a question? If so, I want to hear it, because the other students might be asking the same question." This invites communication, and it gives you the opportunity to defuse the situation. Early and open communication is the number one tactic you have in your arsenal to deal with toxic students!

Obviously, if this pattern persists it has to be dealt with more authoritatively. However, by drawing out the student's concerns you gain the opportunity to address them and prevent an escalation from happening at some later date. Always try to prevent things from escalating. Always.

Note that calm is always the order of the day. When responding to any toxic student, you should be like a zen master, emotionless, and immutable. NEVER react out of emotion. If anything, be calm, consider the situation, and deal with it using wisdom and tact.

Also, enforce your rules and policies equally and across the board. Consistency is key. Remember that if you have authority, in order to keep it you must exercise it regularly. Never allow someone to challenge your authority, and never let someone skate just because you are too tired to deal with it. 

By the same token, enforce policies fairly. Don't expect white belts to know what's going on, or to follow every single rule. My guidelines are to inform first, correct the second time, and discipline the third time.

So, if someone breaks a rule, I first inform them of the rule. If they do it again, I correct them by reminding them of the rule and consequences. And if they do it a third time, I discipline them accordingly.

Finally, never call out a student in front of others. Enforce your rules and policies, but if that requires a discussion or correction, always do so privately (and possibly with one witness present). This robs the toxic person of several of their more reliable tactics, and it also will help you prevent an escalation.

Which leads me to the next step...

Step #3: Neutralization

If for some reason you failed to recognize a toxic student when they first joined your school, and your efforts to intervene and defuse have failed, then it's time to neutralize the situation.

Typically, this means firing the client, and doing it in the nicest way possible. I have done this a couple of different ways. For example, when faced with a student that complained constantly, I have sat them down in my office after class, written them a check for a full refund, and politely sent them on their merry way.

The key is being polite and courteous, calm and emotionless. Your strength is in not responding to their words or actions. If they get upset, remain calm. 

And if they attack you verbally, never deflect or ignore it, either. Instead, meet it head on, but calmly and with logic, not emotion. In other words, you have to "Spock" them.

Say you've just told a client that you think it's best if they moved on and found a school where they can be happy, because your dojo just isn't the right fit for them. And say they attack your integrity by saying that "you don't care about your students, you're just all about the money."

Then, you need to meet that statement head on. "On the contrary, Ms. Smith, I care about you very much. That's why I'm giving you a full refund, so you can find another school where you can be satisfied with your training. If I only cared about money, I would allow you to keep training here, even though you are unhappy, so I could keep getting your tuition each month."

On a related note, you want to avoid using weasel words, apologizing, and making excuses. This will only fuel the situation. Don't be vague, but instead be firm and absolutely clear about what you are doing.

When it's time to fire a client, don't hem and haw around. Beating around the bush only services to provide a manipulative person with opportunities to turn the situation around to their advantage. So once you've made your decision, politely, calmly, and directly take care of it.

And again, you might consider having a witness present when you do this. Don't make it obvious, like by having one of your upper-ranking students hovering over your shoulder the whole time. Instead, get someone in your office with you, perhaps doing filing or some other task while you speak to the individual in question.

This will help defuse the situation, and it will also serve to provide you with a witness, should the fired student decide to slander you at a later date.

Finally, if you are slandered or libeled, speak with an attorney. Case law in the U.S. is pretty clear that you can't sue someone for leaving a bad review for your business. 

However, you can sue someone for slandering you, or for libeling your good name. This means making false accusations of a serious nature against you, your character, or your business. I suggest that you get an attorney involved early if this ever happens to you, so they can take care of it.

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That's it for this very brief series on dealing with toxic students. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so I'll be skipping the daily email. Expect to receive the usual email filled with random stuff on Friday, and I'll be back on Monday with more MA Biz info.