Hey there Friend
I just spent $170.00 on watercolor paint and it brought me face to face with the issue of giving to myself and I thought, maybe this is an issue for you as well?
Even though I'm so much better these days at giving myself time to rest, time to do things that I enjoy and putting strong boundaries around my time and energy, giving to myself is still a work in progress.
Especially, when it comes to spending money on me!
I don't know about you Friend but spending money on myself that is not essential or that I really need has been a life long struggle for me.
Which was very strange because I would happily spend money on my boys and other people I love but when it came to myself, I really struggled to justify it.
And it all came down to feeling that I didn't really deserve it.
My children absolutely deserved to have what they wanted, needed and that created more happiness and so did the other people that I loved.
But I spent so many years looking at things that I really wanted to use or have or experience but because I couldn't justify it to myself, I made do, went without and felt increasingly less than because of it.
My first really big battle on giving to myself and investing in me was over 15 years ago when I came across a certified training experience that spoke to my soul, involved travelling to another state and staying on site for 7 days.
But it was over $5000.00 and I had never, ever contemplated spending such a huge amount of money on me.
How on earth could I justify that?
Yes, Iv'e paid back many thousands of dollars on my University education but that was "real education" that could give me access to a better career and more money in the future.
But this training was not like that.
It wouldn't further my career. It didn't qualify me for anything. It was just something I felt incredibly drawn to doing.
So I said 'no' to myself and let it go and I regretted it so deeply that it was the first time I really began to challenge why I kept denying myself the experience of giving to me.
It wasn't that I couldn't afford it.
I was making good money at the time and was in the best place financially I had ever been in.
I could see the patterns going all the way back to the concepts of sacrificing for others, the fixed idea that other people's needs were so much more important than my own.
When it came to my priorities, if I wasn't putting myself last on my list, then I was probably being selfish and being selfish was one of the worst things you could be or at least, that was what I had been told.
Yet I still kept regretting that choice so deeply.
A few years later, the training opportunity came up again, it was even more money this time around and I still decided to say yes to giving to me.
It was possibly one of the hardest things I've ever done at that time, pressing that "buy" button, feeling sick and anxious and incredibly guilty.
But if I hadn't have said yes and went on to have what was ultimately an incredibly transformational experience at that training, I wouldn't be writing this email to you now.
That training experience and everything that happened during and after it was the catalyst that led me to quit the high paying, but incredibly stressful job that I hated and starting on the path to doing the work I felt truly meant to do.
It literally was life changing, all because I made that so very difficult choice to give to me.
Not because it was 'necessary'.
Not because I 'needed it'.
Because I wanted it.
Because I was worth it.
That resistance is still absolutely present in my life as I saw today when I was looking again at the watercolor paints online that I wanted and realised yet again that I was resisting investing in myself.
I was thinking that maybe I can get the boys to gift it to me on Mothers day but that's not until May here in Australia or wait until my birthday in September.
But why was I waiting?
Then I realised that those old subconscious programs about sacrifice and justification are still there, alive and well and getting between me and my beautiful watercolor paints!
And then I thought about you and wondered if maybe, there are things that you really want or you feel that you need but you can't seem to justify that investment in yourself.
Sometimes, it's not the big things that we deny ourselves because we don't feel that we are worth the investment, it's the smaller things that add to your joy or peace or quality of life.
So I wanted to remind you Friend that you are worthy of giving to yourself.
That you are absolutely worth investing in you because if something will add to your quality of life, your emotional and physical health or your simple enjoyment of being, that is a very worthwhile investment indeed!
And remember, if you are struggling with all of the complex emotions of chronic illness, I've got you Friend.
I would really love to meet you.
And if any of this resonated with you, hit reply to this email and let me know.
I always appreciate knowing that it's not just me who experiences these things. | 
