A gifted young friend made a confession. Watching me dress up for my class, shine, write, speak, and enjoy the limelight, she found herself asking, "Why is she so big?" Erica was following a script that said women shouldn't be vivid or vocal. They should dress and act quiet, muted, modest. This wasn't conscious, but something embedded deep and early.
Much of my life, I thought it best not be noticed. Best not to want to be noticed, certainly. Best not to draw attention, and for heaven's sake not to boast or brag.
The inner critic, Dr. Codger, is terrified of one thing above all else: that you or I should fail, and fail publicly. To ward against that, he constantly shushes us up, stops us from "bragging," ushers us to the back row where we can hide.
It took a long time before I could ask myself, "Is this OK?" and find an inward: "YASSSSSS!"
Here's a video of William Stafford, Oregon poet laureate from 1974 to 1989. He reads, "First Grade," which reminds us of what
it is to be children, oh-so conflicted about performing. He goes on to shine a spotlight on some little poetry wins. He is basically saying, "Look what I did!" like any delighted kindergartner.
There is no haughtiness, no self-consciousness, no ego.
I've often been suspicious of my desire to be recognized for my writing. A little voice sniggers, "How come SHE is so big? Take her down a notch, before someone else does!"
The desire to communicate is at the very root of our writing lives. It's not shameful, conceited, or treacherous. Showing and voicing our gifts is fulfilling our calling as writers and creative humans.
This month, I'm celebrating Dixie, who is signing a publishing contract. I was so lucky to get to coach her through her book-writing process. I'm celebrating Carole, who sold to Guideposts a story created in Wildfire Writing Class two seasons ago, on Zoom. Congratulations Dixie and Carole! They made bold moves, and we applaud.
Recognize the voice of Dr. Codger when it squelches big strides, smothering your declarations of, "I can do this!" Push through the static that comes when you are colorful and strong.
Get in touch with that child inside who is happy and proud about what she can do. Let her learn, grow, and proclaim, “Look! I wrote this! I’m sharing it with the world!”
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Sign ups are almost closed, but there's space for two more! This is the best bargain of anything I offer. Be supercharged to write short stories, novels, poems, and nonfiction. Completely new this year, designed for you to take repeatedly. It won't come back until 2023. If you need a scholarship, let me know. Wildfire Writing
Wednesdays April 6 - June 8, 2022
6:30 PM - 7:45 PM PT
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