Hi Friends, 

How’s your summer going? I’m enjoying lots of sunshine and getting a natural healthy tan on my face, hands, and feet. Don’t ask me about the rest of my body. #BrownHijabiWomanProblems. I’m back with your weekly edition of The Friday Five Hundred, which is a slice of my writerly life packaged in nuggets of Present, Past and Future in five hundred words or less.

“She had so many years ahead of her.” 

“He had so much potential. Such a big loss.” 

Isn’t it fascinating that oftentimes, we tend to think of human beings as projects that might be improved? I reflected on this when I was thinking about the kind of condolences we give to the bereaved, who face the grief of losing a young one in their life. It’s as if the person was not valuable enough as is or as was. I struggled with these sorts of blanket condolences when my infant, Mehak, died nine years ago. Mehak was and still is an important part of my life. She is valued just the way she was in her being. 

Regardless of such a realization, there are times I still fall into the trap of human beings as holders of potential. It’s implicit in the way I ask my daughters what they would like to be when they grow up? It seems like a harmless question, but it packs so much. I want my daughters to do well in life, to be happy, and not make the same mistakes I did. I’m like the father and mother of Briar Rose. They did away with all the spindles from the kingdom so that their daughter wouldn’t prick her finger and fall into a slumber of a hundred years. We all know how that turned out. 

The reality is that I can’t control anything. I can’t control who my daughters will become. I can’t control what problems they will face. My attempt to control and manipulate their environment, so that they may reach a certain potential is more harmful than good. I’m pegging and holding onto an imagined future. This prevents me from living in the present and it keeps me from appreciating the beautiful beings my daughters are right now. The nature of the present is that it slips so fast into becoming the past. I’m not anchored to any moment as I hold onto potential. 

How about believing in the potential of creative projects? There’s a certain vision tied to each creative project. We imagine the results and how our projects might bring about change and impact others. We revel in the potential it holds. Have we ever thought of appreciating our creative projects as they are in the present moment? I know I haven’t. I focus more on the issues and how I can improve upon them. There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to do better. I feel there’s so much that’s missed when one is only future-oriented and focused merely on potential.

Going forward, I’d like to be in my body more and love and appreciate those around me as they are in their present glory. 

I appreciate and value you as you are in your current being dear reader. Can we give this gift of love and appreciation to those around us in their present state without focusing on their potential? I think this has the potential…oh wait…scratch that…I think this is a more open, healthy, and enjoyable way of interacting with our loved ones and our creative projects.

Be well and love yourself as you are right now in this moment. Until next Friday. 

Loving myself as I am even with an uneven tan, 

Sana Fayyaz

 P.S: If you know someone, who would enjoy receiving these emails, may I ask you to forward it to them? 

If someone has forwarded this email to you and you’d like to subscribe, you can do so here.