Hi Friends, 

How are you adjusting to your summertime routines? It’s been one week since the kids had off from school and I wanted someone to throw me a lifesaver. This is your weekly edition of the Friday Five Hundred delivered on the weekend. 

As I unlocked my red door while holding various bags from the kids’ day camp, I noted it was 2:24 PM EST. Just enough time to hop onto my scheduled zoom call at 2:30 PM. The kids and I ushered in and I reminded them to wash their hands. Rania, my usually independent very capable five-year-old asked me, “Mama, help me wash my hands.” I told her that she can wash her hands herself. “But I’m too tired,” she complained. 

Meanwhile, I ran upstairs to get my laptop for my zoom call. Rania followed me upstairs and complained about how she is too tired to wash her hands in the first-floor bathroom and how I was not helping her. I pointed out that it took her lots of energy to come up to the second floor. Many complaints and sobs followed. This was not the first time that Rania threw a fit after coming home from camp. 

After getting the kids situated, I logged into my zoom call with my friend Tom. I let him know why I was late and how Rania’s feelings didn’t make any sense. Tom invited me to slow down and reframe. I realized that Rania was having a problem transitioning from camp life to home life. 

The next day, Rania seemed to have trouble getting ready for camp and she needed help when I knew she was capable of doing the tasks on her own. A similar urgency presented itself as the day before because time was fast approaching to get the kids to camp. I lost it and told her that she needed to act her age and I even went as far as comparing her to her three-year-old sister, who doesn’t ask for help while changing clothes. 

The rest of the morning was strange and my heart broke thinking about how my awful Mom move might have left a scar. I buckled the kids into their car seats and pecked Rania on the cheek asking for forgiveness. As I drove them to camp, I thought about the book I’m reading these days called, “Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself” by Lisa Marchiano. One of the insights from the book is that we tend to project our own problems onto our kids. Sure, Rania was having problems transitioning and because of that, she was seeking extra tenderness, love, and care. Meanwhile, I was having problems transitioning into the long days of summer and my husband’s extra hours of working, which prevented him from helping out with the kids. I recalled the numerous arguments I had with Shakil in the past week, unfairly blaming him for not pulling his weight. I was seeking help from outside of myself and I wanted him to rescue me. 

When I dropped the kids at camp, I decided to take it easy and give myself the love and nourishment I was craving during this transitional phase. I had breakfast with my three-year-old at a cozy cafe. I planned on not making any meals over the weekend and pretended that I was on vacation in my own town. I let the family know and they were thrilled to eat out and discover local spots. This act didn’t make me an awful Mom. Rather, we had a memorable weekend filled with lots of hugs and loving attention given to one another.  

Thank you for reading my lovely friend. I hope my experience serves as a reminder to look within rather than outside for solutions and to be gentle with yourself during transitions. See you next time. Take care of yourself. 

Love, 

Sana Fayyaz