Hello Friends,
How are you feeling? I haven’t seen you for two weeks. It’s an exciting (ie: unpredictable) time here in NY as my family and I transition into the summer months with a relaxed schedule and hopefully some fun memorable times. I’m back with your weekly edition of The Friday Five Hundred, which is a slice of my writerly life packaged in nuggets of Present, Past and Future in five hundred words or less.
Present: I was talking to a friend in excitement telling her about all the courses I signed up for during this month. She asked me the reason behind joining each course and they were legitimate reasons. She applauded me on creating my own Master’s Program. It felt great to think of it in those terms.
Later on, I realized I had signed up for too many. So many that it was difficult for me to recall some of them. I took out my notepad and listed all the courses I signed up for and the grand total came out to be eight. This does not include all the other responsibilities and commitments I have.
Past: I recalled a time when I was a new College student. In earnest, I signed up for more courses and credits than the suggested amount. I ended up dropping one of the courses later on mid way because I had overburdened myself and was not able to give each course the attention and time it deserved. This reflection in my past helped me to see my over commitment pattern.
Reflection: When the eight course list stared back at me, I noticed that all these courses represented a problem in disguise. There was a problem that I was facing and I hoped that this particular course would help me address the problem. I signed up for a parenting course thinking that I could be a better parent. I signed up for a Quran course thinking I will read Quran everyday and improve my recitation. None of those things have happened because I haven’t engaged much with the courses. I signed up thinking there will be an exchange of money with the resolution to my challenges. I was hoping for a quick fix.
Being a proponent of going slow, having written a book with the theme of going slow, and currently writing a memoir about taking my time with grief, I keep returning to going fast and quick fixes. I’m recognizing this tendency to gloss over problems as if there is a magic bullet and I won’t have to deal with the challenges, which is a lie.
Future: I made another list of the courses that I would wholeheartedly like to focus my energies on. The other courses I have in my repository for doing someday (which might mean never). Having paid for all the courses, if I can learn that I have this overcommitment pattern and that the answers to my problems lie inside of me then I’d say it was totally worth it. Wouldn’t you? A good course gives the participant full authority and agency in knowing that the answers do indeed lie within them. We have to show up to do the work to extract those answers. Even though I have signed up for all these courses, I feel a sense of abundance :D.
Thank you for reading dear reader. I'll be back on Friday. Here’s a picture of some delightful orange tiger lilies from my backyard. They are channeling Anne Lamott to remind us about taking care of ourselves so that we may give from a place of abundance. Have a lovely weekend.
Overly Committed Yet Feeling Abundant,
Sana Fayyaz
