When Busy Becomes Identity

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Subject: When Busy Becomes Identity

What happens when urgency stops being temporary and starts becoming who we are..

Hey Friend

There’s something that's been bothering me for the past few years and I continue to notice it.

Particularly with senior leaders. Actually…with leaders at all levels.

They refer to busy like it means something good. Like it proves something.

“How are things?” “Yeah, busy.”

And they say it with pride.

At the same time what I also notice is the busy masking pressure and distraction and mental noise. A constant feeling of being behind where they think they should be.

So around the time it started bothering me, I made a conscious decision to stop using the word busy.

Because I noticed that every time I said it, everything felt harder.

My focus narrowed, my stress level elevated and my mind was constantly thinking ahead, before I’d even finished the current thing.

For a long time I genuinely believed that was what high performance looked like.

More activity > More hours > More speed > More responsibility.

I connected busyness to success.

Until my coach asked me a question that shifted how I looked at it. She asked...

“What if your business performed better and you weren’t busy?”

I remember thinking… yeah right.

So I considered what she'd said and started to pay attention and what I found is there actually wasn’t a correlation between how busy I was and how well things were going in my business.

But what there was a correlation between was busyness and my lack of joy and fulfilment.

When I was busy, I wasn’t really present anywhere. I wasn't fully experiencing the moments.

I’d be in one conversation while thinking about the next. I'd be curating my response before the other person had finished speaking. I'd be going through the motions in workshops focusing on “delivering well” instead of actually meeting people where they were at.

I noticed that my interactions improved when I slowed down enough to notice what was happening in the moment and adjust my approach.

I noticed that the moments that created the deepest connection and the greatest impact were NOT in the moments where I pushed harder.

They were the moments where I was fully present - in coaching - in facilitating - in conversations.

When I slowed down enough to really listen, tune in and respond to what was happening in the room instead of what I thought should be happening.

It was here that trust deepened, people opened up and thinking expanded.

Honestly, I think this is part of what so many organisations are struggling with right now.

We’ve normalised urgency to the point where reactivity gets rewarded.

Everything's important and urgent and a priority. Everyone is running - no one is advocating for stillness and a moment to pause.

Over time this stops being an occasional approach and starts informing your culture.

Leaders model it, the team becomes responsible for it and the organisation reinforces it.

Then everyone wonders why people are exhausted, disconnected and struggling to think clearly.

Sustainable leadership cannot exist inside constant reactivity.

Breaking this busy cycle isn't about time management and better prioritisation. It's about identity.

Busy isn’t just something they experience. It’s who they become.

So when I say “I don’t do busy anymore,” I notice that others appear sometimes offended by it. Because it's an identity they've taken on with the belief that busy and success are connected - so when I challenge the word, they're seeing it as a challenge to their identity.

I'm not immune to the busy identity myself, I still find it sneaking back in at times. The difference is that I now notice it a lot quicker. And that noticing then gives me choice.

A choice to finish one task before mentally moving onto the next. A choice to listen fully before trying to solve. An intentional act to leave space in my calendar for thinking instead of filling every minute of my day.

I want to be as productive and efficient as you do, but not at the expense of clarity, creativity and sustainable leadership.

Instead of asking yourself: “How do I become less busy?”

Maybe it’s asking yourself: “Who am I when I stop needing the busy identity to prove my value?”

That’s a much deeper conversation.

More and more, this is the conversation I’m having with leaders and organisations who want to lead sustainably, think more clearly and create healthier cultures without losing performance.

If this resonates, I’d love to continue the conversation.

Shelley 😁

Shelley Flett.

Leadership Trainer, Facilitator & Coach | Shelley Flett Pty Ltd

M: 0407 522 888 | E: shelley@shelleyflett.com | W: shelleyflett.com

There's a freedom that comes from letting go of an identity that no longer aligns with who you want to be.

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Subject: When Busy Becomes Identity

What happens when urgency stops being temporary and starts becoming who we are..