The most important thing is to know ourselves, and to choose the strategies that work for us. Most of us seek changes that fall into these categories. We want to foster the habits that will allow us to:
Eat and drink more healthfully (give up sugar, eat more vegetables, drink less alcohol)
Exercise regularly
Save, spend & earn wisely (save regularly, pay down debt, donate, follow budget)
Rest, relax and enjoy (stop TV in bed, turn off cell, be in nature, sleep, less car)
Accomplish more, stop procrastinating (practice instrument, learn language)
Simplify, clear, clean and organize (make bed, file, recycle, put things away)
Engage more deeply in relationships – with others, with God, with the world (call friends, volunteer, spend more time with family, work on intimate relationship)
Just about everyone falls into one of four groups with regards to habit formation and it mostly has to do with “how does a person respond to an expectation?” When we form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves.
1) Upholders respond readily to outer expectations and inner expectations. They wake up and think: “What’s on the schedule and the to-do list for today?” They want to know what’s expected of them, and to meet those expectations.
One friend said: if something is on the schedule, my wife is going to do it. When we were in Thailand, we’d planned to visit a certain temple, and we went – even though she got food poisoning the night before.
2) Questioners question all expectations, and they respond to an expectation only if they conclude that it makes sense. They’re motivated by reason, logic, and fairness. They wake up and think, “What needs to get done today and why?” They resist doing anything that seems to lack sound purpose.
If Questioners believe that a particular habit is worthwhile, they’ll stick to it – but only if they’re satisfied about the habit’s usefulness.
3) Obligers meet outside expectations, but struggle to meet inner ones. They’re motivated by external accountability; they wake up and think “What must I do today?” Because Obligers excel at meeting external demands and deadlines, and go to great lengths to meet their responsibilities, they make terrific colleagues, family members and friends. Obligers depend on external accountability with consequences, like deadlines, late fees or the fear of letting other down.
I am an Obliger for sure! For ex, for some reason I cannot go work out on my own. I need to have a class that I’ve paid for or a trainer, waiting for me to make sure I go. Obligers may find it difficult to form a habit, because they do things more easily for others than for themselves. For them, the key is external accountability.
4) Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner. They choose to act from a sense of choice, of freedom. Rebels wake up and think, “What do I want to do today?” They resist control, even self-control. But Rebels often frustrate others because they can’t be asked or told to do anything. They don’t care if “people are counting on you”, “you said you’d do it”, “this is the deadline”. In fact, asking or telling Rebels to do something often makes them do just the opposite. No surprise – Rebels resist habits.
Most people are Questioners and Obligers. Knowing our tendency can help us frame habits in a compelling way. An upholder will exercise regularly if it’s on the to-do list; a Questioner rattles off all the health benefits of exercise; and Obliger (like me) takes a weekly bike ride with a partner; and a Rebel could start running because it’s on an anytime schedule, no cost, more freedom.
We hope these categories can help you as you try to take on new healthy habits this year! Sometimes self-awareness is the key to new success. Like most things, healthy habits form one day at a time.
