| Friend,
So last week we started talking about walking the talk in your dojo. In other words, actually living up to all the things we martial art schools talk about in our ads.
Things like honor, integrity, perseverance, courtesy, and so on.
The idea here is to make your dojo a pillar of your community. And, I told you that there are 3 Pillars to Becoming a Pillar of your community: - Character Education
- Community Service
- Scholarships and Service-based Education
Now, I already wrote to you about character education, and what we're talking about today is avoiding the downside of teaching character education in your dojo.
The Naysayers Love To See You Stumble
I come from poor Irish-American stock on my father's side, and poor Mexican-American stock on my mother's side. And growing up, I noticed that both cultures had a tendency to resent people who "got too big for their britches," as my father would call it.
Of course, you and I would call it "reaching for the stars," "working to get ahead," or simply having self-confidence. Not that my dad is a jerk, but there's a certain mentality among people who have known poverty all their lives. It's an attitude that says you can't change things, so don't even try.
It's sad, really. And unfortunately, it can turn nasty when someone tries to rise above the crowd and really do something special, either for themselves or for their community.
The thing is, you can't win with people who have that sort of mentality. If you do well, they'll say they knew it all along, and if you fall flat on your face, they'll say you should never have even tried.
And the really nasty people will attempt to sabotage you along the way. If you want to know why this is, read "The Sociopath Next Door" (should be required reading for anyone who teaches self-defense, in my opinion).
But regardless of why, you should know that there are always people who want to see you fail, no matter how good your intentions are for what you're trying to do.
Putting Yourself on a Pedestal When You Have Clay Feet
And this is one reason why you have to be careful that you don't put yourself on a pedestal when you start teaching character education lessons.
The thing about putting yourself on a pedestal is that eventually, you're going to fall off. Or, someone is going to push you off. And like I said, there are certain people who love nothing more than seeing this happen.
So how do we prevent this from happening?
First off, don't make the same mistake I did early on. I thought I had to be perfect and set a perfect example for my students, if I wanted to be a good role model for them.
This meant that I had my "dojo face," and my "home face." Kind of like a lot of people have their "Sunday church face," and their "rest of the week face." :)
At the dojo, I was always on my best behavior. But away from the dojo, I was my regular, fallible self.
This led to a couple of problems: - I set myself up for failure by acting like I was perfect at my dojo. My intentions were good for doing this, but if you live in a glass house, you better not have any rocks in your pockets. And, it backfired spectacularly on me, more than once.
- After a while, I ended up appearing like a big put-on. People can smell a fake from a mile away. It's not like I was intentionally being a fake, but in the end my intentions didn't matter.
- I ended up setting the bar too high for my students, too. And this led to some situations where I had to back up my words with actions, where I definitely acted too harshly toward students who did things that were "against the rules."
So, something that I'd intended to be positive, ended up being negative in a lot of ways. And that was a shame, because I'd caused a lot of damage in my relationships with my students before experience overcame youth and stupidity, and I course-corrected how I was teaching character education in my school.
A Few Suggestions So You Don't Do What I Did...
If you want to avoid my mistakes, here's what I suggest: - Don't make it sound like you're perfect. You're not, you know it, I know it... but students tend to believe what their instructor tells them (or doesn't tell them). So, let your students know you're not perfect. Share stories in your mat chats about how you messed up, and how you corrected it. Letting your students know you're human will mean they'll cut you some slack when you screw up in front of them.
- Don't let become the disciplinarian in your clients' homes. This is a tricky one. If you have rules that say students have to do "x" to get "y", then you naturally have to have a "z" result when they don't meet expectations. But be careful that you don't become the stick instead of the carrot when it comes to student behavior. If you notice parents bringing their kids to you for disciplinary talks on a regular basis, you've crossed the line. Back it up a bit and set boundaries, and let parents know that you're only there to encourage their kids... but they have to be the ones who discipline their own kids when they break the rules.
- Be genuine. I'm not telling you to totally let your hair down and act a fool around the dojo. But I am saying that you don't need to walk on eggshells all the time -- nor should you, in fact. Let your students see your human side, because it keeps your relationship on a human level.
That's it for this portion of this email series. Tomorrow, we'll start talking about community service, and how helping your community can also be something positive for your school.
Until next time,
Mike Massie MartialArtsBusinessDaily.com
Quick-start Guide to My Books and Resources: - Looking for a list of books and resources I've written? Click here! - Looking for one-on-one coaching to grow your dojo? Click here...
P.S. - I found this quote when I was preparing to write this email today, and while I can't verify the source, I thought it was appropriate to today's message:
"Perfection is an illusion sought out by those who fail to understand that our flaws are what motivate us to always be better." ~St. Cornelius |
