| Friend,
So this week we've been talking about toxic students...
A.K.A., crazy people. :)
For the last few days I've been talking about how to recognize them, but today I'm going to start explaining how to get rid of them - tactfully, of course.
But before I get into that, let's set some ground rules for dealing with toxic/crazy students and clients:
Rule #1 - Stop Asking Why!
Look, I know that as normal, sane people we naturally try to find reasons why crazy people act crazy. But trust me, this is a waste of time.
Some of the best advice I ever took was from a Jim Rohn audio, in which he said a better question to ask when people act illogically is, "Isn't that interesting!"
See, by freeing yourself from having to explain other people's irrational actions, you also free yourself from a lot of needless hand-wringing and obsessing.
The bottom line is, often there is no reasonable explanation for irrational behavior - so stop trying to explain it and just move on.
Rule #2 - You Can't Fix Everyone!
And in most cases, you can't fix anyone. Not really. People tend to either fix their own problems by seeking help and making changes, or they don't.
So, stop trying to save the world. Help those who actually want your help and who are willing to do the work, and let go of those who are just plain crazy so they can be crazy somewhere else.
And if you start feeling guilty because you had to send someone packing, just keep telling yourself, "Not my monkeys, not my circus."
Rule #3 - Address The Issue Head On
When you have a crazy person in your school, sitting around hoping the problem will fix itself only prolongs the agony.
A toxic student is like a rotten tooth. It's only going to become more painful the longer you wait. So, the best thing to do is to just pull it before it gets worse.
Which is why you need to deal with these situations directly and immediately, rather than putting it off and allowing the problem to grow worse than it has to be.
Taking Action
So, you've decided you have a truly crazy person in your dojo, and that it's time to deal with them.
Great! Now what?
Here's the thing you need to remember - crazy people tend to be unpredictable. And, if you respond with more craziness, you're just going to make the situation worse.
So how do you deal with it? By remaining calm and centered, no matter what.
Remember in Roadhouse how Patrick Swayze was always telling his bouncers to "be nice"? That's what you have to do - BE NICE.
The person in front of you may be a pain in the ass, but they're also a human being. And, if they actually do have mental issues, that's no joke. Chances are good they're suffering, and they don't need you dumping on them making it worse.
On the other hand, some people enjoy making their problems your problems... and in that case it's time to nicely but firmly tell them to hit the bricks.
My Favorite Tactic
I've found that the best way to handle this is to simply bring them off to the side, preferably in person and in your office with another staff member present, and tell them the following:
"Bob, I can see that you're not entirely happy here at our school. I think you'd be a lot happier training somewhere else. So, I'm writing you a check to refund the remainder of your unused tuition, and I'm releasing you from your contractual agreement with our school. I wish you the best and hope you'll find a school and instructor you're comfortable with."
Now, the reactions you get to this will vary greatly. Some people will just take the check and storm out. Others will look at you in shock and say something like, "You're kicking me out?"
And others still will rant and rave. Be prepared for it. Regardless, it's the most gentle way to allow someone to retain their dignity while telling them, "Sorry sweetheart, but this just isn't working out."
Legal Considerations
Another disclaimer here - I'm not an attorney, and nothing I'm about to say should be construed as qualified legal advice.
Even so, here are some things to consider before you start kicking people out of your school: - Contracts - Do you have a "kick out clause" in your contracts? If not, you'd better contact your attorney to have them write one in, pronto. Otherwise, you're going to be in breach if you kick someone out of your school who has signed a contract, and the student could take you to court over it.
- Discrimination - Don't kid yourself... crazy people WILL pull the race card, the disability card, the sexism card, and just about any other card you can think of to get back at you. That's why you need to have WITNESSES to any private conversation you have with a student that you're kicking out of your school. That way if they try to get the authorities involved in some way, you can call in your witnesses to save your hide. Or even better, record your conversation on video (but if you do, make sure you stick to a script - do NOT get into a shouting match - be nice!)
- Sexual Harassment - An instructor friend of mine once kicked a female student out of his school. She then proceeded to tell all and sundry that he was taking advantage of her sexually, in an attempt to ruin his reputation and marriage. Guys, I'm just telling you - don't ever put yourself in a situation with a female student where you're alone with no witnesses. All it takes is one sexual harassment or rape accusation to send your school down the tubes. Be smart, and avoid those situations entirely.
Alright, that's it for today's email message...
Tomorrow I'll talk about how to prevent these situations from occurring entirely by having clear policies and maintaining your positional authority as the head honcho in your dojo.
Until next time,
Mike Massie MartialArtsBusinessDaily.com
P.S. - I'm really serious about that whole witness thing... extremely serious. The last thing you need is to have someone accuse you of something that didn't happen. I've known instructors who had their whole lives ruined over a false accusation. Don't allow yourself to become one of them.
P.S.S. - With modern technology such as it is, it's not that expensive or even technically difficult to have video cameras monitoring your office, waiting area, and training floor. Doing so can provide proof that can protect you in a civil dispute or if you're criminally charged based on a false accusation.
P.S.S.S. - Cameras like the Canary or the Piper are easy to set up and they pull double-duty as a poor-man's security system as well. Look into it now before the time comes when you wish you'd done it. | 