There’s a wonderful woman I know who has spent most of her life being very competent.

And she's very good at being 'good' and 'nice'.

She’s thoughtful, kind, capable, emotionally intelligent, reliable. You know what I mean?

She's the one everybody goes to when they need something. The sort of person who remembers the birthdays, makes sure there's enough food for everyone, notices when someone is struggling, and quietly carries more than most people will ever realise.

Sound like anyone you know?

Anyway, recently we were planning something together and without thinking, I asked her,

“What do you actually want?”

And she just froze and stared at me quietly for a long time.

And her reaction stopped me in my tracks.

And I stared at her quietly too.

Because it suddenly became obvious to us both, that somewhere along the line, she had become so practiced at considering everybody else that her own wanting had gone very quiet.

It was a real moment for her. She's still talking about it.

But I see this all the time in my work.

People who know what everyone else needs.

People who know how to cope.

People who know how to push through.

But if you ask them what they want… there’s suddenly this strange blankness.

Or panic.

Or embarrassment.

Or an immediate explanation why what they want isn’t practical anyway.

Many of us slowly learn to stop listening to ourselves over our lifetime.

Not dramatically.

Just gradually.

We become sensible.

Responsible.

Tired.

Busy.

And eventually our dreams and longings start feeling almost… inconvenient.

Childish. Unrealistic. Dangerous.

Especially when life is hard.

Especially when the world feels uncertain.

Especially when your body is carrying fear, grief, illness, overwhelm or survival.

But I want to say this to you now, clearly and kindly:

Dreaming is not a frivolous thing. It's not silly. It's not inconvenient.

It’s an essential part of being alive.

It's a vital ingredient for your being happy and content in your life.

So this month inside The Portal of Permission we’re very gently exploring the question:

“What do I actually want?”

Not with pressure.

Not with five-year plans.

Just slowly learning how to hear ourselves again.

Starting to allowing ourselves to notice when something inside us quietly says,

“Ooh… I’d love that.”

Because it'll bring us and our loved ones more health and vitality and joy.

You are very welcome to click HERE to join us in The Portal and learn this too.

If you loved yourself, what would you allow yourself to want now?