I'm sitting with a woman going through breast cancer treatment and talking about all the practical things she's facing. Appointments. Side effects. Fatigue. How everybody around her is coping.
It's a lot.
Then at one point, very quietly, she says,
“You know what I really wish?”
But then she stops herself immediately.
It's so fast.
Her whole body sort of tightens and she laughs awkwardly and says,
“Oh never mind. It’s silly.”
And I feel that moment so deeply.
Because some part of her has decided she isn’t allowed to want anything right now.
Not while people are worried about her.
Not while life is uncertain.
Not while she's supposed to be “strong.”
Not while there are more important things to focus on.
It's not just her.
I see versions of this everywhere.
People interrupting themselves in real time.
“I’d love that…”
“No, it’s ridiculous.”
“I wish…”
“Anyway.”
“It would be nice to…”
“But never mind.”
We do it so quickly and so automatically that we often don’t even realise it’s happening.
But those tiny interruptions become enormous in the end.
Because eventually, if we keep doing them, we can't hear ourselves at all anymore.
Especially during difficult seasons.
Or when life feels heavy or uncertain.
Or if your nervous system is trying very hard just to get through the day.
And that's sad.
Because hard times don't make your longings irrelevant.
They are actually when we need those little flickers of aliveness and meaning and beauty and truth the most!
It's not that every dream or longing you have must immediately be made real.
But they do need to be heard by you.
No matter what's going on in your life, there is still a human being inside you.
Still a self with wants and needs.
Still a life being lived.
This month inside The Portal of Permission we’ve been very gently exploring the idea of allowing ourselves to dream again. Slowly. Kindly. Without pressure.
And one of the things I’m noticing is how emotional it can be for people simply to realise how often they interrupt themselves before they’ve even finished their own sentence.
I invite you to join us in The Portal to have loving community support and the tools to start to dream again.
If you loved yourself, what might happen if you listened for one moment longer before interrupting yourself?
