Accepting chronic illness means giving up on your "old self".
Not only that, accepting chronic illness means abandoning any hope of getting that "old you" back.
Is this something that you worry about Friend?
The whole thing about chronic illness is that it creates this huge, grief driven, emotional response which causes something known as "catastrophizing."
Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion that takes you constantly to the absolutely worst case scenario you can imagine.
For example: "I will keep getting worse and be completely disabled and there is nothing I can do about it."
It is very black and white, all or nothing, worst case possible scenario and drives all of the "what if" stories that keep you awake at night.
To break down any sort of fear, you need to face it, look at it logically and determine if it is absolutely true or not.
So when I asked myself that question "have I lost my old self forever" (because catastrophic thinking is always exaggerated and dramatic), my logical mind had to say "well, I don't actually know."
Logically, I knew that I had lost abilities I had before, because I was at the time, physically and cognitively disabled, but I had no idea really how much of my abilities I would be able to regain.
What I had lost was my concept of myself as a "healthy" person and the belief that I would live the rest of my life being that way. It was a loss of my identity and the future I thought I would have.
The most liberating mind shift for me Friend was the realisation that with all of the abuse that I had given my body throughout most of my life and the fact that it had kept me going until it couldn't any more, then what could my body do if I actually looked after it?
What could my body do if I actually gave her the rest and appreciation and nourishment she needed and actually listened to the feedback she was giving me?
I had no idea what was possible but I was more than willing to find out and see what the two of us could achieve together and she has done an amazing job at reversing so many of my symptoms.
The reality is that chronic illness didn't just happen overnight. It has been building up in your body for years and you adapted and adapted until your body reached a tipping point where chronic illness fully manifested into your life.
My "old self" also had chronic illness, I just didn't know it then, even though looking back, all of the signs were there.
We can never go back to the past but through the actions and choices we make right now, we can absolutely do our best to create the best possible health we can for ourselves.
In many ways, I feel better now than my old self ever did and 7 years in, I am still rediscovering parts of my "old self" that I enjoyed, even if it's in a different way.
Who knows what is possible for you?
Have you been a victim of catastrophic thinking Friend?
Hit reply to this email and let me know. I promise that I will reply and anything you share with me will be completely confidential.
