Hello Miracle Family,
You may consciously say:
“I want peace.”
“I want to forgive.”
“I want to let this go.”
But another goal may be operating underneath. That is the hidden goal.
The ego may be saying:
“I just want them to admit what they did.”
“I’ll be peaceful when this is finally resolved.”
“I’m willing to forgive, but not if they keep acting like that.”
“I need them to understand how much this hurt me.”
“Why should I be the one who has to change?”
“I know I should let this go, but what happened was not okay.”
This is the inner conflict: one part of the mind says it wants peace, while another still wants vindication, control, protection, or proof that its interpretation is correct.
A Course in Miracles says, “I decide upon the goal I would achieve.” For deeper students, the question is not only, “What goal am I stating?” It is:
What goal is my reaction actually serving?
If the reaction keeps producing guilt, separation, defensiveness, or the need to win, then the outcome reveals the hidden goal more clearly than the words being spoken.
The ego does not simply want relief. It wants to control the meaning of the situation. That is why upset can continue even after you have prayed, reflected, or said you want peace. The stated goal and the hidden goal are still at war.
When conflict arises, ask: What would I have to give up to be at peace now?
The grievance?
The demand for an apology?
The need to be understood?
The case against the other person?
The shift begins when you stop trying to make peace and the grievance coexist. You do not have to force forgiveness. You only have to become honest about which goal you are still protecting.
We've had incredible conversations in our monthly Mighty Companion Community ZOOM calls. Be sure to mark your calendar for the next one, August 8. And I'm always available to support you in your learning and healing journey.
In peace,
Earl
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