For the first 4.5 years of my career, I followed some "rules" just about every good lawyer follows (at least initially):

Rule 1: Busy = Committed

This had me billing 80+ hours a week, mentally drafting documents and memos while at family gatherings, and being “that friend” who couldn’t ever commit (because if I did, I often rescheduled).

Being busy wasn’t just a habit… It was a piece of my identity. It proved my worth.

Rule 2: Say yes.

This one had me trading sleep for imaginary gold stars and desperately trying to track a pages-long to-do list.

Not only did my to-do list never shrink, just thinking about it gave me a headache.

Rule 3: The client comes first (even BEFORE your own needs).

Following this “rule” had me so overloaded that I was consistently waking at 4 am to work from home, snapping at my husband on the regular (for things like how he loaded the dishwasher 😶), and eating whatever was fast/easy (not the best recipe for health).

I followed these rules for years, telling myself it was required to deliver "great service". I followed them so religiously that they became a part of my identity.

[Most high-achievers do this; It’s why we have such a hard time letting go].

Until one night, when I walked in at 10 PM (again), launched into my usual complaints about an impossible deadline, my firm's culture, and the unfair system...

And my husband said (simply yet firmly), "Heather, you have a choice."

Ouch. [Right?]

This was the wake-up call I needed to admit that my problems had little to do with all the things I’d been complaining about (for years) — clients, my firm/colleagues, or even the legal profession.

I was the problem.

I'd steadfastly followed these "rules" without ever considering whether they were necessary (or true). I'd let them become a part of my identity.

What I’ve learned through my experiences (quite the hard way) is this:

• Measure impact, not activity. This is the quickest way to accept that you can’t be impactful if your brain feels fried all (or even most) of the time. It's also the fastest way to make a bigger impact.

• Strategic no's beat frantic yes's. Doing what matters WELL creates better results (for everyone) than trying to meet everyone's needs poorly.

• Your needs matter more than other people's needs. I know this one is hard to accept. It feels selfish. But you cannot serve anyone well if you're depleted (you might even make things worse).

Some "rules" are meant to be broken, Friend.

XO,

Heather