Don't confuse aggression with authority

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Subject: Don't confuse aggression with authority

Success Without Sacrifice

N E W S L E T T E R

Anti-hustle strategies for lawyers who want more control, impact, and life.

You know this person…

The one who is always right and must prove it (always and forever).

Who steamrolls over ideas, never stops talking, and leaves you wondering why you even bothered preparing.

Usually someone senior.

In the law firm environment, it’s often someone with a big book of business. And, because of that, many regard them as “leaders”.

But that’s not leadership. It’s insecure bluster and bull-in-the-china-shop aggression.

Leadership — true leadership, the type that motivates and inspires — is about executive presence.

And executive presence isn’t about dominating, or perfectionism, or performing.

It’s about what I call the 3 Cs: Confidence, Composure, and Communication. Here’s what these things mean (from an executive presence standpoint):

PILLAR ONE

Confidence

Real confidence is not about faking it till you make it. It’s about:

Trusting your skills and judgment.
Knowing your resources (and actually using them).
Owning it when you don't know (without apology).

Confident people don't need to prove they're right. They're secure enough to be wrong.

So, don't worry about trying to "fake it" until you make it to build confidence (it doesn't work so well).

Own it when you don't know (and also, own your weaknesses and supplement for them). Remind yourself that you're smart, you can figure stuff out, and (again) you have resources for helping you when it's especially hard. And then use those resources!

Sounds simple, but it's what builds confidence over time.

PILLAR TWO

Composure

Composure is confidence embodied. The steady anchor in the storm.

Staying calm and clear-headed under pressure.
Not overthinking or spiraling out loud.
Keeping your stress from becoming everyone else's stress.

Let me be clear: Composure isn't about suppressing emotions. It's about regulating them so you can respond instead of react.

And you can do this (BE this) by using all the tools I talk about (endlessly) for self-awareness and self-regulation. Not sure where to start? Listen to today's podcast (see below) and check out my resources in the Success Vault (also below).

PILLAR THREE

Communication

Good communicators don't need to say a lot. Or say it loudly.

They don’t have to do those things because they know that effective communication is about:

Presence - Being attentive in each moment, not mentally drafting your response when others quit speaking.
Brevity - Giving your take in one sentence, and following up with support only if needed (also, concisely).
Clarity - Don't overexplain or justify.

And they use the power of silence. Because silent pauses aren’t awkward (but over-explaining certainly is!). They create space to think; they build presence.

My best advice for doing this? Plan what you'll say. Review what went well (and what didn't) afterwards. And be okay with learning as you go.

Also, practice silence.

BEWARE

Dealing With the Blusterer

Now, what to do with that blustering, always right, never let you speak manager or colleague?

When they steamroll, when they get defensive, when they try to bait you into a fight, don’t get dragged to their level.

Don’t mirror.
Don’t get defensive.
Don’t take the bait.

Instead, be calm and respectful. Respond clearly and directly. And let it go.

Let them think they’ve won (they actually haven’t).

THAT is executive presence, Friend. It’s what real leadership is.

Want to dive deeper into executive presence, including my top tips for how to improve yours? Listen to today’s Life & Law episode >>> here.

XO,

Heather

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A B O U T

H E A T H E R

Former BigLaw partner. Lawyer coach. Cancer survivor. Mom x2. Recovering overachiever.

I traded in my $2.5MM+ practice to help lawyers create the kind of success that doesn’t come at the cost of their well-being.

Learn more about me here.

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Subject: Don't confuse aggression with authority