20 years old. In picture-perfect health (honestly, the body of an athlete), with one exception:
His blood pressure was through the roof.
This was my oldest son, Zachary, the Friday before he went back to Ohio State.
As he was packing everything up, arranging for his move-in, reaching out to his new roommate (he hadn't yet met), and getting prepped for his (hefty) Fall schedule.
So yeah, he was stressed. And anxious.
Mostly, about the changes to come. The uncertainty. Wanting to do his best (and for everything to go well).
It happens to the best of us.
Because change is uncomfortable. Scary, even.
Which triggers our brain to spin into a tizzy of “what if’s” while imagining everything that could go wrong, will go wrong.
What helped him (that could help you, too)?
Try this 3-step fear-busting tool:
Step 1: Let it be.
It’s easy to try to push the fears, worries, and doubts down. To not even acknowledge them.
Don’t do that! It always backfires.
Instead, train your brain to sit with these feelings (so it can learn that the world isn’t going to end just because you feel this way).
When you become self-aware of these feelings, sit with them for a few minutes and just breathe.
Notice that you’re still ok.
Step 2: Talk to the voice.
Name the voice - the one reminding you of past mistakes and “failures”, asking those “what ifs”, and doubting your ability to handle it all.
Personifying your inner voice helps you separate it from your self-identity.
Because the voice isn’t you, Friend. It’s merely a survival mechanism (that has some benefit IF you learn how to tame it).
Once you name it (mine is Nellie), you can talk to it like you would a friend who just has a negative bent to them, making your next step easier.
Step 3: Face the feelings (and the beliefs behind them) head-on.
Match words to your feelings. Whatever words best describe them (and yes, there can be numerous words).
Next, ask what beliefs/thoughts are behind your feelings. And challenge them.
[Your mind automatically assumes nothing can be done - not true!].
Not only will you have a plan for the worst-case scenario, but you’ll more readily see that the worst is (highly) unlikely.
But best of all? Your brain will start to believe it can handle whatever happens.
This isn’t about vanquishing every bad feeling or belief. It’s about allowing you to move forward despite them. Because they no longer overwhelm you.
XO,
Heather
P.S. A bonus tip: talk to peers you trust about how you feel. You’ll quickly learn that you’re not the only one to feel this way (which lowers that anxiety and builds confidence).
This is why I started my business development mastermind, ELEVATE (it’s built around peer support). Learn more and join the waitlist for ELEVATE >>>here (doors open next month, and being on the waitlist gets you early access + other perks).
