I understand, and I feel your pain! I've been where you are, and it takes courage to speak up about something so personal. I wrote this not too long ago and would like to share it. It's a mantra for self-love. You're right, I never explained it fully! So, let me explain it piece by piece.

1. Loving me means I do not hide who I really am.
When you are with your man or with anyone, speak and be your authentic self. Seek to understand what you feel and express it by your actions and words. Do not cover up who you really are, you are enough as you are.

2. I share my feelings, good and bad.
It is easy to share your feelings when you are happy, but it takes courage to share your feelings when you are feeling badly. The way to share bad feelings is to share them without any blame or accusation. So instead of saying, "You make me angry," try saying "I feel angry." Don't make someone else responsible for how you feel.

3. I own my truth.
If you feel it and it is true to you, admit it. He will know if you are lying, even if it's not at a conscious level.

4. I take responsibility for my wins and my mistakes.
It is a piece of cake to acknowledge when you do something great, but when you screw up? Try calmly admitting your mistake without excuses. Instead of, Yes, I backed into the garage door but I wouldn't have if you didn't distract me!!" Why not just, "I backed into the garage door. I was distracted."

5. I don't need to prove anything to anyone.
Stop yourself when you feel the need to explain your actions or prove yourself or get confirmation of your rightness, greatness, and worthiness. You don't need his approval to make you feel okay. You are your own bottom line.

6. My opinion about me is the only one that matters.
If he has an opinion about you, do not put your own aside and adapt his as more valuable or worthy. What you think about you is what you use to shape you.

7. I enjoy and receive being loved by someone else. I don't doubt them or their love. I don't waste my time wondering if someone loves me or if I am good enough for them. I don't fear getting hurt. I do not push love away, run away, or create ways for love to fail.
This is a big one, so pay close attention! It is important to be able to freely receive love from another and trust that it is real without self-doubt or doubt of their intentions. When you doubt, the message that you are sending to him is: "I am not worthy of your love." I admit, it is hard to shake the fear of getting hurt, but that fear actually conveys to him that you aren't worthy of his love.

8. Most importantly, I am at peace. I use my energy to create what I want instead of worrying about protecting what I might lose.
This is THE key to self-love. Spending your time and energy protecting what you might lose tells the world you don't trust yourself to keep what you have, or better yet-you don't think you can create what you want or need. This one is so tricky. We get caught in this trap. You are a child of your God/Universe/Pure Source (whatever you call your higher power), and you deserve all of the beauty and abundance this life has to offer. Trust you are enough.