Hi Friend,

Oh that first week of September, and the memories and lived realities of going back to school. Excitement. Anxiety. Over-commitment. And often wondering, what part of myself do I put forward in what moment?

I remember going back to school and actively not talking about some of the most important aspects of my experience/identity: my brain, my body, and whom I experience as desirable unless I had to.

You might not know this - but I have a pretty severe learning disability/neurological divergence. I spent hours and hours in school (from age 9 to 19) engaging with counselors and therapists and coaches and my parents and school admin people and various forms of testing in order to get appropriate accommodations, and figure out how to study and how to learn. I lot of it involved figuring out how to pass exams which was really hard for me (anyone else has a brain that just cannot handle scantron tests?) so that my mind could shine.

College was such a relief! I could focus on the work that interested me and not bother too much about the rest. Top-level Anthropology seminars (about social memory, of all things!) in my first semester? No problem! I exhaled and started to excel - and I basically stopped talking about having a learning disability.

Only in the last few years have I found myself talking about it - because so many of my clients/students/friends/colleagues's children (or colleagues, or themselves) are testing as having some-kind-of-neurological divergence. So it comes up a lot. And it turns out that my experience with neurological divergences means that I can often be helpful in these spaces.

And I've probably spent far, far more time worrying about my body size than I did about just about any other "different" parts of me.... all of which are really just various forms of spectrums.

My body size was certainly a bigger concern for me than was my sexuality. I was usually the heaviest girl in the class. I don't recall anyone ever asking me out on a date (except to prom, which, amidst my circle, was far less of a date and much more of a 'friends going to the big social event of the year together').

Thank goodness for a) growing up and b) all the people - activists, artists, writers, policy-makers, lawyers, business people, celebrities, scientists, and sportswomen - who have (and who continue) challenged dominant norms and prevailing narratives about sexuality, brains, and bodies!

Many of the things that I practically hid were things that, since then, society has been able to shift on - at least in some places and amongst some people. I am so much less "hiding" than I used to be (as any American with overweight-related-body issues probably knows, 'hiding in plain sight' is a whole thing).

How do we work with ourselves - and others- when we are on some side of some spectrum that is considered not "normal" in a society that has very particular definitions of identity?

How do you celebrate your eros, the nature of your desire, and the creativity that dwells within you, regardless of whether it fits a certain standard?

I don't "care" about my body (size) or my sexuality, my gender, or how my brain functions.... but I do have to actively learn and keep learning how work with all of these aspects of myself in order to be the creative, expressive, original, and powerful person I am. To work with my brain more than against it. To work with my body's strengths, limitations, and its wisdom, instead of shaming it. To attend to my eros... and understand the way that shame, resentment, and jealousy all play a role in informing me about myself.

And that experience - that experience has helped me to accept my full self.

And to try to make sure there is room for yours.

It is one of the things I'm always most proud of, especially when folks take courses such as the ReMembering Course (which we have an info session coming up for in early September): that we can create a space that is focused on enabling people's full selves to show you. Christian and witchy. Hindu and Catholic. Queer and a parent. An investor and a lover. Both lost and found. All at the same time.

Because whatever we have inherited - wealth, poverty, privilege, body-types, brains, illnesses, brilliance - whatever we are born into is not our fault. So far as I can tell, it all has some kind of gift, and some kind of shadow.

One of my recent students said, in her usual poetic way of talking, "I come into this class each time feeling like a storm cloud. And I leave feeling soft, a kind of gentle rain. Myself and my ancestors are being seen. I've so much appreciation for everyone in this class."

We do have the opportunity to shape-shift some ugly dimensions. Or at least put them in the collective cauldron.

And see what potions might arise - and what medicine we might be able to distill.

Many Blessings,

Sara Jolena

ps - Thank you to everyone who joined the Motherhouse Starter Series! Over 500 people registered! Wahoo!

PLEASE let me know about your experience, questions, thoughts, etc. as the course continues! I would love to hear what's standing out for you!