Hi Friend,

How do you relate to appreciations? Can you both give and receive appreciations well? 

In our last Circular Time Session for Restorative Justice Practitioners, many people in the circle named the offerings that Kristine and I have extended to the world in the last 9 months or so as critical moments in their own learning journey. there was a lot of appreciation for our work, and its direct impact on their lives and how they work. It was powerful for me to hear this reflection of appreciation.

One person talked about how a ritual we created in May created a shape for future rituals, ceremonies, and connection points with land and communities that lasted for months afterward. A woman shared about how she brings our Land Acknowledgement booklet to meetings with people in the educational spaces where she works, and how, now, she is able to talk about the history and about land in a way that she could not do before. 

After the circle, Kristine and I reflected, 'wow, we've made quite an impact on other people's lives, and in such a way that they in turn are influencing others.’ For a moment, we just sat there with it. We smiled. We didn't need to say anything. Just sat with the sheer pleasure of knowing that we are contributing something of value to others' lives. 

I strongly suspect many of you experience people appreciating you. For many of you, that is likely to continue, and even increase, especially as your writing, speaking, and spiritual work gains more audiences; as your philanthropy touches more people; as you both challenge and grow different institutional formations.

So, how do you engage with that appreciation?

Do you shrug it off? Do you focus on all the ways you could’ve done better? Do you poo-poo it because you know how much better you can be?  Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you crave it, and wonder what you did wrong if you didn't get it? 

For a lot of my clients, appreciation can make them feel uncomfortable. Especially public appreciation.  After all, you’re not doing "it" (whatever it is) just to be publicly acknowledged. You’re doing it because it needs to be done. Maybe, I hope, because you love the work that you do: the ways that you can help to shift and change and to influence a larger context. Many of you have really big goals and dreams, and the relatively "small" wins can be too easily discounted if you’re focused too much on those big-picture goals...whatever those numbers may be for you. 

So I want to take this moment to encourage you to consider your relationship with appreciation, especially in receiving appreciation. I suspect many of you are already really good at giving appreciation. And if not, if you haven't taken the time to appreciate your spouse/co-worker/boss/assistant/mailman/farmer and all the people in your life who help you live it, make sure you take a moment this week to do so. It doesn’t have to be fancy. ‘I appreciate you’ works well. 

When you receive appreciation, especially in public forums, you don’t have to turn it away. You can just take it in. You can acknowledge it for what it is.

Remember: they’re not just appreciating you. They’re appreciating the teachers who have come before them; the land that has fed them, the water that makes your life possible. They are appreciating the genius that is within you.  I like to think that in giving appreciation, they are increasing their capacity to appreciate the genius - that creative spark  - that dwells within themselves as well.

I learned much about appreciation from watching many of my teachers, from India to Kenya to California, approach appreciation.  Most often, my mentors simply looked the person giving the appreciation in the eye and nodded. Some looked down and nodded. There was some quiet acceptance of it. Not a big thing.  A simple thank you. But not a dismissal, either. After all, if you dismiss someone's appreciation, you might be experienced as dismissing them and their experience. So acknowledge the other person's experience. Some will point to their own teachers, or to the Spirit - to be clear that they are also just channels and to acknowledge the larger web of life/teachings/wisdom that we are all a part of. 

There is a quick caveat here: in some cultures, appreciating appreciation is really not ok. Follow the cultural context that makes the most sense to you! 

I know that many of you don’t get anywhere close to the appropriate amount of appreciation for the labor of love you do all the time.

But do think about it. Especially if you are on stage. How you approach appreciation matters. 

After all, if you make too much of the appreciation, if you let it as they say, go to your head, you risk not seeing how much work you still have to do.  How much work there still is. How small you really are. 

So there’s a balance here. Between not being dismissive and staying humble. Between acknowledging your own greatness and how much work you need to do.

Within the paradox of greatness and humility, there is much room for movement. 

Let yourself know: Yes you’re impacting people. Your voice is making a difference. your offerings, however small or however large, are making a difference. maybe it’s a difference you want them to make. we often don't - can't! - know what our influence is. 

There is a space of contentment... without getting into complacency. I felt it today.  It felt good. Real good. I hope you can also find it, in whatever offerings you bring to others. 

May you walk in beauty.

All the best,

Sara Jolena

Ps - I appreciate you. For your attention. For the questions, you are asking. For your participation. For the beauty, you help bring into our world.