With Love... relationship advice and opinions

Tip of the Day: Asking him too many questions can make him feel interrogated, no matter how "nice" your questions seem to you. He'll start wondering what your next question is going to be. Relax.

Hey Beautiful,

The emotionally unavailable man - should you simply try to "be patient" and "wait it out"?

This reader says it very well:

"Dear Mimi,

"I am FINALLY starting to realize something: unless a guy is really into you, don't go there or stay there, period.

"Every woman deserves a man who is wholeheartedly into her. Those guys who open up and shut down have issues that are never going to go away. This 'open up/shut down' B.S. is the way they are, and who needs that? It will probably NOT change!

"And do I even need to mention the problems of insecurity these men obviously have?

"There are great men out there who don't do that. I haven't been with too many men who do that, but the one or two who come to mind had ISSUES, and nothing I did or didn't do was going to make them see the light.

"It is a game they play whether they realize they are playing it or not.

"I have two men in my life right now, both of whom I always have GREAT conversations with! There is no constraint between us; we talk about anything. These men don't 'disappear' after a deep conversation. They both tell me I am beautiful, that they can't wait to see me, etc., etc. in a sincere way. They are both attractive, intelligent, honest, funny, sweet, athletic, VERY spiritual, etc.

"If I can have that, why would I want one of those nut jobs with emotional issues?

"It ain't worth it! Please, please, please DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME!!!! Never, ever, EVER try to rescue a guy! KNOW what you want and deserve and accept nothing less!

"A relationship only works well when both participants are emotionally healthy. If you have to lead them by the hand or help them along or play some kind of game with them, it will not work.

-- C."

Thank you, C.! I know there is no looking back for you. Almost every woman alive has had to deal with a man who was "off and on" emotionally, and as C. says - it's NOT worth it!

Of course, I must clarify that there is ONE "game" that I am more than okay with, and that is the Game of Love, which I'm here to help you WIN, and not only you, but him as well! (There are no losers in this "game"!)

I got a very nice email from a class member about my program "Hard To Get." She said, "I can't wait to read the next session. I'm hooked!"

That made my day. Thanks!

Being hard to get is a response to one of the most basic truths of human nature:

Humans love a feeling of accomplishment. We love to work for something valuable and finally obtain it.

We tend to scorn what is handed to us too easily. We rarely appreciate things which come too easily. We value the things which are elusive - harder to reach, harder to find, harder to get.

We are created to thrive on desire. This is human nature 101.

A reader I will call Lucinda agrees with this facet of human nature that "whatever you work for has more value than what you get for free." She writes:

"Hi Mimi,

"I suppose the whole thing boils down to a very old principle: whatever you work for has more value (in your mind) than what you get for free.

"If you have to court a woman for three months, when you finally sleep with her, it means much more to you than if you slept with her the first night. Something difficult is more meaningful than something easy.

"Applied to romance, when the high-maintenance woman makes the man jump through hoops, he's associating her with something valuable, because he has to work so hard for her. Whereas as the non-demanding, 'together', low-maintenance woman: well, yeah, she's attractive, but... so what? Why bother?

"Hope I'm not overstating my case. ;-)

"Best,
"Lucinda"

Speaking of being "hard to get" - I literally "wrote the book" on it: How To Be Hard To Get

Have a great day, and keep your Flirt on!

With love,
Mimi Tanner
Author of Hard To Get: The Timeless Art of Conquering His Heart

P.S. About this daily email - here's what readers have shared:

"Thank you so much, Mimi; your emails have really saved my relationship with my man. It's now four years dating him, and he is so loving and caring, and it's going stronger than ever. God bless your wonderful inspiration forever. CHEERS, MIMI."

"You inspire me so much... You have me hooked. And just knowing that you are you there for me in the 'virtual world' makes me feel safe!! I have today just bought a 2nd book from you - 'Hard To Get'. The thing that has compelled me to do this is the fact that I can see your genuine PASSION for this subject. You live and breathe this stuff. And I trust you completely. So, here's to the new 'harder to get' me.

"FYI the key words that really got me into your work are these: 'The one being pursued is the one with the most power.'

"I like power, and so that works for me :)"

"Best,

"C. in London"

"Thanks again, Mimi, through your classes and newsletter, I have regained my sense of dignity and reclaimed my power."

"Mimi, I just wanted to tell you that because of you and your writings, the way I went about things, I got the best husband in the world. I was doing things all wrong. I took your advice and it worked. I still read all your emails.

"Thanks,

D."

Here's where to sign up for for this newsletter and get Mimi Tanner's "Tip of the Day" and much more:

www.MimiTanner.com