Subject: Rejection

Reaching past the fear.
Rejection and Risk
 
Three things fill me with anticipation and dread—no, four:
  • A handful of small, square white Valentine envelopes scattered on a classroom desk.
  • The beige linen envelope in my mailbox, embossed with the name of a potential publisher.
  • Unopened Christmas cards reminding me that once again, I’ve neglected to send any out.
  • A silence after saying, “I love you.”

I feel a shortness of breath, a tightening in my gut. I relive that feeling of being unwanted. I turn away.
 
I am in danger of not getting the Yes—the friendship, the recognition, the love. And so I numb the fear, avoid the risk.
 
Until I see it differently.
 
After a decade of avoiding situations that could spell rejection, I’m embracing them. Rejection is an inevitable risk if I want to share my work or my self.
 
Yet I remember that time so clearly when all I could do was close my heart.*
 
Risking rejection is a choice I made in submitting writing after a long hiatus. Past excuses: I was raising kids! I was running a business! I had too much writing on the brain already, helping student and client writers!
 
What it really was: avoiding rejection.
 
I’ve learned a meditative practice that helps alleviate those fears.
 
I’m making publishing a bigger part of my writing life.
 
And I’m seeing it all differently, so that when the envelope comes, I can breathe deep, hold it against my heart and open it bravely, ready for any outcome.

*Please read about this in "Two Peas," Montana Mouthful, page 22.

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