“I only write when the calendar says we have a meeting,”
said Ernie, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t need that, but I do.”
I’m so glad you need that! I thought. It’s my joy to support writers. But I was sad Ernie
had to scold himself.
“I shouldn’t need that.”
What are all the ways I internalize this?
I need unstructured time. I need walks and stretching and movement. I need
creative friends and colleagues. I need mentors and supporters and teachers and
classes. I need someone else to make dinner. I need getaways, changes of
scenery.
Too often, I tell myself, “I shouldn’t need that.”
Who says?
There’s an old shame. From long ago, when life was hard and
a little kid’s needs got overlooked.
That voice says:
·
you’re too needy
·
you’re too much trouble
·
you should figure this out without help
·
you’re lazy
·
you're scatterbrained
·
you’re cheating
And sometimes, the voice says, “You need that? My, aren’t
we privileged! Who do you think you are?”
The voice is not my authority.
When I need something,
I need it. If I can find a way to get it, awesome. If I can’t meet that need, I
may have to wait or try something else. If someone else has a need, and can’t
meet their need, it's not going to help if I make myself struggle.
Having a need doesn't make me needy, a troublemaker, stupid, dependent,
lazy, scattered, or a cheat.
What needs do you have – perhaps as a writer – that you’re not
meeting because you’re telling yourself “I
shouldn’t need that?”
Gently, kindly tending to the needs of the artist-writer-creator who is me, sets more love in motion around the planet. And yes, we all need that.
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