For years I avoided writing novels. I wrote short stories and poems but resisted that long, involved, wonderful form, the novel. Even so, it was the thing I had most wanted to do, for as long as I could remember. Decades earlier, novel-writing had been my favorite pastime.
I was too busy. I was coaching other writers. I loved writing short stories and poems. I was too scattered. I would have to flee to some secluded, far-off place to find focus. I couldn't afford to take the time out.
All these things I told myself. Until one day I told myself the truth.
I was terrified to fail.
Creating a complete story-world took so much of my time, my life, my effort. I felt that with a novel, as opposed to writing something short, there was so much at stake—and if I failed, then hours and hours of my very life were wasted.
Right?
And so, the REAL reason I stopped novel writing was because of the fear of failure.
The critic doesn't understand the rich experience of being a human, applying my whole heart to what I love doing. The critic doesn't understand that this is what makes a meaningful life.
As opposed to racking up accomplishments.
That's an illusion which leads many so-called "successful" people deeper into lives of heartbreak.
New thoughts can change everything. Thoughts of immersion and delight. Thoughts of growth and learning and practice. The joy of striving at a task I love . . . regardless of the outcome.
And so it has happened. New thoughts have crashed in . . . and broken my cage bars.
I'm free!
I still forget. I still get trapped. But there are so many good things that bring me back to freedom as I work on my novel.
The feeling can happen when writing, and other times, too. It can happen when walking by a river or stretching or making art—not thinking about outcomes—immersed.
I'm grateful for chances to bust up the fear of failure. Mine. Yours. I'm thrilled if you, too, want to write a novel!
Join me next weekend, July 11 and 12 at Clark College for Novel Writing Weekend—and see your novel-to-be with new eyes.
Happy Independence from whatever may be holding you back today. Let creative freedom ring!
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