Before we jump into Leadership Thursday, I want to share some really exciting news with you. I am done! The book is finished and has been sent to my publisher (Wiley). All 44,653 words! You can pre-order it now on Amazon. Check it out - CLICK HERE. I have some big bonuses for all of those who pre-order. And the earlier you pre-order, the bigger the bonuses! And the more books you pre-order, the bigger, bigger, bigger the bonuses!
I Hate When I do This - Part II
A couple of weeks ago I shared something that I know many leaders have struggled with and that I struggled with for a long time as well. That's caring too much about what others think. The reality is of course, that people spend a lot less time thinking about you than you think they do. They are often too busy thinking about themselves and also worry a lot about what you think about them. I ended by stating something I heard a long time ago, "You will stop caring about what others think when you realize they don't.
I told you I would give you three specific tips the next week to help you worry less and focus on the right things more. Well, I totally forgot. So two weeks later, here they are...
1. Check your heart. Is your worrying about what others think of you more about you, or those you lead? In almost all cases it is more about you, than them. Ask yourself this question often to help you make decisions, or have tough conversations.
A lot of our worrying comes from the validation we looked for as children from teachers and parents, but as a leader this can hamper your effectiveness. You become easily swayed by how those you lead react to anything you bring to them. The result is a leader who can’t make decisions, or is back and forth (called flopping in politics).
2. Don’t create stories. It is natural to create stories, we do it all the time. For example, your friend didn’t text you back the other night, so you assume she is upset with you. You begin to tell a story in your mind as to why she might be upset and create all kinds of twists and turns, until eventually you hope you never see her again. However, you later find out that her phone was stolen, so she had no way of texting you back!
It is important to realize that people are a lot less critical than we give them credit for being. It is easy to create stories about those we lead and how they perceive us. So next time you begin to worry about what others think, remember that it is most likely a lot more favorable than you think. It’s best to avoid creating stories.
3. Focus on your vision. Either you believe in where you want to lead your team and/or organization or you don’t. If you don’t, then it is time to reassess, right? If you do, then stick to it and don’t let what others think interfere. Hey, they all laughed when Noah said he was building an ark, right?
The reality is, you are always going to have some that like you as a leader, and others that don’t. If everyone likes you, I would be concerned. Even some of the most revered and greatest leaders of our time were hated by some population of the people. You will have your enemies, but if your cause is just and your leadership is inspiring, people will follow you and great things things will happen as a result. |
