Hello Friends, 

How are you? Celebration has been on my mind this week since Eid was last Monday and the 6^th cohort of the Creative’s Workshop graduated this week. Mother’s day was also this weekend. So many moments to celebrate yet so many of us hesitate to celebrate ourselves, especially during times that are chaotic. This little piece was born out of the beautiful container of celebration. 

Welcome to my weekly email (delivered usually on Fridays) where I rewrite my life stories, 500 words at a time.

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The final stood between me and my Undergrad degree. Unable to take it at its scheduled time, the Professor had arranged a time for me. Since it was a huge favor, he wanted me to be punctual. With five minutes to spare, I folded my review sheets and stuffed them in my backpack. Walking towards the elevator, my mind raced through theorems and I mouthed some prayers for good luck. The elevator was out of order, which meant I’d have to run down from the 8^th floor to the 3^rd. Rushing down the spiral staircase determined to make it, I zoomed past as everything on the way disintegrated into flashes. The spiral staircase was endless and spanned for eternity. Sweat trickled down my back and I was out of breath yet I kept running unable to reach my destination. 

Sweating and out of breath, I woke up and opened the window. The rare Jeddah petrichor brought me to the present. It was a nightmare seven years after I had graduated and six thousand miles away from Hunter College in NY. The dream seemed so real that I later checked my folder of important documents to see if I had acquired a certificate of Graduation. It was there in existence. The flash of thunder outside made me wonder: Do I live in fear in anticipation of the thunder or rejoice in anticipation of the rain? 

I didn’t attend my graduation ceremony. At the time, I had convinced myself that it didn’t matter. Deep down inside, I deemed myself unworthy of a celebration. The four years of Undergrad weren’t what I had expected and I hadn’t accomplished what I had in mind. 

This non-celebrating stance was prevalent in other areas of my life. After every Ramadan, I’d feel guilty for not reading enough Quran or not praying enough. There was no room for appreciating what I was able to do. It was under the pretense of humility, masked beneath it feelings of low self-worth and extreme ingratitude.

Will I live in fear in anticipation of thunder or rejoice in anticipation of rain? Years of survival mode as an immigrant child of immigrant parents taught me to anticipate worst-case scenarios. How can I celebrate when so much could possibly go wrong and is going wrong at the moment? The path of cynicism is paved by anxiety dealt with through numbing. The bonus is that a cynic doesn’t have to do any work to contribute toward creating a more attuned world. 

 My path crossed with Creatives, heart-centered souls who birthed creation out of chaos, during the pandemic. As the world continued to tumble, we shared poems, songs, and stories on weekly open mics and we celebrated each other’s birthdays and launch days. With these hopeful sparks, my relationship with celebration began to shift. 

Celebration is a container that holds the outpouring of your commitment and follow-through. Without this container, it seeps into the void. This container is held tenderly with forces of gratitude and a renewed commitment to keep going. As my friend, Leza Danly says: “Gratitude is the emotion. Celebration is the practice.” 

This year, I celebrated the end of Ramadan in gratitude for being alive to experience another Ramadan and for being able to do the little that I was able to do with sincerity and not perfection. The end of Ramadan didn’t look like the perfect image I had concocted in my head yet I had changed and that’s worth celebrating. With the integration of this celebration as a container, I can hope and I can rejoice to hold the blessings of rain. 

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Creating from the space of celebration is radical and regenerative. Try it out. This week, what will you celebrate about yourself? I'd love to know. Let's create a chain of celebrations to inspire one another.

If you liked this week’s email, I’d love it if you could share it with a friend. Thank you for your continued love and support.

With love and gratitude,

Sana Fayyaz

Notes

1. Stealing like an Artist from my friend Jennifer (check out her nourishing new project called The Hearthling), I'm going to leave links out of my writing in hopes of a more focused and calmer reading experience.

2. Eid ul Fitr is a celebration marking the end of 29 or 30 days of fasting for Muslims around the world.

3. The Creative's Workshop is an Akimbo workshop in which I am honored to serve as a Coach. The next session starts in September.

4. The line of living in fear of anticipation of thunder or living in hope of rain was inspired by a verse from the Quran [Chapter 30: Verse 24]

5. The quote is from my friend Leza Danly, who has a beautiful blog dedicated to Awakening, the Arts, Memoir, and Celebration. Her piece called "Celebrate Yourself and Turn Up Your Light" continuously serves as an inspiration.