"Change your thoughts and you change the world.” ~Norman Vincent Peale
We all encounter times in life when someone says or does something that offends us. After the fact, no matter how hard we try to let go of feelings of hurt or resentment, we might find it hard to move on.
I know, I’ve been there before myself, mostly when I wished I’d told people how I really felt in certain encounters, or when I doubted what I said or did and then replayed past events over again in my mind.
I am a people pleaser, and as a result, I haven’t always expressed my honest feelings to others.
Was I funny enough? Did I seem unintelligent? Did I unknowingly offend someone? These kinds of questions would creep into my mind and take over my mood on a daily basis.
“You will be free the moment you stop worrying about what other people think of you.” ~Unknown
How we relate to our pain is what shapes the outcome.
We can either crumble under life’s pressures or embrace them and become more evolved versions of ourselves. Our true nature is who we are underneath our struggles and stories, and accessing that nature is the key to feeling at peace.
Our disposition and family of origin greatly affect how we observe and react to the world around us. But we are not powerless; we can change how we respond to life’s difficulties.
Have you ever admired someone who came out of the other end of adversity stronger, wiser, and better equipped for the road ahead? You do not have to admire that person; you can be them.
Take a brief moment and think back to a time when someone said or did something that troubled you. Did negative thoughts take over your mind? Was your heart pounding? Did you find it hard to concentrate? Did this moment feel like it would never end?
I know from personal experience that stress can sometimes feel like an out-of-body experience. Our thoughts can quickly take over and we can get caught up in our heads. Over time we can start relying on that comfortable place of simply reacting without thinking, or we can push our feelings away and disconnect from situations completely, like I did.
For this reason, I have adapted my own go-to mindfulness exercise that I have used time and time again and referred to others. This method can help you to develop deep awareness of your thoughts, as you’re facing difficult moments or shortly after, while offering yourself words of compassion and kindness.
O P E N TO YOUR TRUE NATURE
The next time you find yourself over-thinking past situations or feeling overwhelmed by life’s stresses, try this exercise to offer yourself some compassion and bring yourself back into the present moment.
Observe
Close your eyes and take a breath. Notice how your body feels—tension in the stomach or heaviness in the shoulders, for example. Then notice the thoughts you’re thinking in the moment or are dwelling on from the past, and name them, such as, worrying, fearing, replaying, or planning.
When you observe your thoughts, you’re able to choose which to believe and which to let pass. You can choose not to believe that someone else meant to hurt you, that you did something wrong, or you deserve to be judged. You can see these thoughts as nothing more than knee-jerk reactions to a perceived offense, and not reflections of reality or ideas you need to let influence your state of mind.
PeaceWhen you are ready, bring peace to your mind and body by saying, “I am deeply hurt and it is okay to feel the way that I do.” (Use comforting words to ease your distress about a specific situation).
Some other thoughts that may bring you peace: “Even if other people judge me, I don’t have to judge myself.” “What other people say and do is about them, not me.”
EnjoyTake a deep breath and take a moment to sit in the calmness of mind and body.
NatureSay to yourself: “The moment has passed and now I am at peace. This is my true nature.”
More times than not, the present moment is an anchor, solace in the midst of chaos. You can always come back to the present moment.
You can work towards being no longer as self-conscious and not take things personally as often.
The lesson you can learn in all of this was that worrying about what others think of you does not change anything, and life is unpredictable and out of your control. This discovery can be pretty liberating.
I think we could all benefit from learning to tap into awareness and calm our mind. We can learn to forgive and be kind to ourselves, and to the people around us. And we can create space between ourselves and our anxious thoughts so that they don’t define us or throw us off our center.
The next time you feel anxiety rising, remember that our thoughts can hold us back or deeply restore us. However, we do have choice to listen to the thoughts that encourage us so we can open to our true peaceful (or balanced or noble) nature.
