Let's begin with Human Psychological Needs.
We all have the same needs we must get met and when they are not, we feel weak, needy, insecure, and even depressed. That doesn't make us easy to love because we feel we are not good enough and don't deserve love the way we are.
The good news is... you just need to find healthy ways to get your needs met.
Have you ever felt like you don't matter as much as you'd like to? That if you were gone, it wouldn't be a big deal? That maybe people don't notice you or notice but don't appreciate you? That's your need for significance that isn't getting met.
- What can you do that's positive to feel like you matter?
- How can you get this need met in a healthy way?
- How do you want people to see you?
- What are you doing to make that happen?
- Or do you need new people who see you for the awesome woman you are?
- Are you hanging out with needy people who take advantage of you?
The Wrong Way: A lot of people bitch about their lives on social media and feel significant when others chime in and join in their chain of pain. That's not a healthy way to get your need met and doesn't align with your true self and repels the very idea of self-love.
So, I ask again. What can you do that's positive to feel like you matter? This is YOUR responsibility, no blaming others. That gives your power away and you will never develop self-love by giving your power away. It doesn't align with your values.
You also have a need for connection.
You may not feel part of something such as a group, family, couple, community. If so, that is another need to get met (in a healthy way) before you can develop true self-love.
If you don't feel connected, you can't feel lovable because you feel like you're missing something. The strongest and most confident women KNOW we succeed together. That's why drama queens and needy women who stay that way stay stuck.
The Wrong Way: People who say they don't need anyone else are just covering up pain from past hurts and trying to avoid the same pain in the future.
And you know what "try" implies, FAILURE. They are hurting themselves all along the way.
Bullies often do this whether in preschool or politics and everywhere in between. What they are really in need of is a friend, someone to feel connected to. But they have to let their guard down and allow it. Otherwise, they will keep lashing out and get their need for significance met instead (in a negative way) while still lacking connection.
- Do you know a bully?
- Have you BEEN the bully?
- Who are YOU connected to?
- Family, business associates, volunteer group, your pet?
- Who CAN you connect to in a healthy way to get this need met if it isn't being met currently?
We've talked about the Human Psychological Needs of significance and connection that we all MUST get met. Although there are more needs, focus on these for now.
Shoot me a reply email with questions, or to let me know how you are getting these needs met or what ideas you have to get them met. I look forward to hearing from you and writing you back personally.
See you next week!
