Subject: 10 Things You Should Never Tell Your Spouse in a Fight

10 Things you Should Never Tell Your Spouse in a Fight...
Bi-Weekly Newsletter
I call this a bi-weekly newsletter but how can I name it biweekly if I haven't sent out a newsletter in more than 2 weeks.   Well, I guess if I call it a biweekly newsletter it will at least focus me to deliver your issues every other week at least, and if possible even weekly.    Anyway, good to talk to you again, hope that you had a great week-end, and now your back to your weekly routine.

 Well it's so important to thank the LORD that you have a weekly routine and also have the freedom to make changes, not like the Ex- football player Aaron Hernandez that got life in prison this last week without parole.  But then again, life is a decision; you need to distinguish good decisions from bad decisions, and this young man as a pro-football player making millions and with an incredible life in front of him decided to go and eliminate one of his own friends. Now that was a very bad decision on how he destroyed his life. 

Anyway as you know I am always hunting and looking for some good content and articles and training that has to do with marriage, relationship & family and I came across this article written by: Chris Ayres and keep in mind that this is a secular article but the Bible also talks about how to treat your spouse also to have self-control, plus how to avoid the fight so that all days will be a good day.  For example these are some of my own favorite Bible verses:

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
                                                                                                                IITim.1:7

So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the special blessings that will come to you at the return of Jesus Crist.                                   1Peter 1:13

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.                                                                                                                                                                                Gal. 5:22-23

Patience can persuade a prince, and soft speech can crush strong opposition.
                                                                                                                Prov. 25:15

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.
                                                                                                                Prov. 12:18


In today's hectic and career-oriented environment, relationships have become a lot more complicated, and men & women are experiencing unprecedented levels of stress.  To add to the increasing tension, most men and women are also completely unaware that they are actually hardwired to react differently to the stress.  It's a common scenario: a husband returns home from work stressed out and eager to kick back on the couch and watch television.  A women returns home from work stressed out and wants to talk about it with her husband. What happens? Neither is on the same page, anger and resentment set in, and then the argument breaks out once they collide. It is important to continuously look to improve your relationship by understanding how men & women cope differently with STRESS.  So that is why you need to be at one of our upcoming events called:  "Cómo Vivir con Tú Pareja SIN Volverte LOCO"...      We have an upcoming event on Saturday May 02, feel free to email me for additional information.

Now the following article talks about the 10 things that you should never tell your spouse in a fight.  I know, I know when you get into a fight he or she gets you really mad and you loose your temper and also control.  Well it's time that you keep your cool. It says in Prov. 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, a harsh word stirs up anger. 
What does this Bible verse mean?   It means to remain calm and gentle when confronting conflict, and your example will become contagious.  Ok so here are the 10 things that you never tell your spouse in a fight.   Use them wisely, have a wonderful day.

Blessings

Prs. Roy & Vilma Llamas
Marriage Coach & Mentors

 

10 Things you Should Never Tell Your Spouse in a Fight...
As you increase communication with your spouse, arguments will happen. You may wish you could turn back the clock — over and over again. Hopefully, humor can keep the argument from exploding out of control. If not, misunderstandings and fights tend to occur with greater frequency.

Now, for those wondering, there is no, “How to Argue Correctly for Dummies,” manual or an, “Arguments 101,” class. Nor is there such a thing as a perfect relationship where disagreements never pop up. Despite the inevitability of an argument, some things should never be said. Here is a list of 10 of them.
1.  “I want a divorce.”
While the coals of temper are ablaze, it is easy to say things you do not mean. Asking for divorce, though, even if amends have been made and forgiveness, requested, is a difficult thing to erase. It brings a lack of confidence in one another
2.  “I’m not angry.”
If you are not angry, then why are you making snappy remarks, slamming the door, putting her down and pretending that she does not exist? Denying your emotions will not help you in any way. We desire acceptance, and denying your reactions with those that love you is pointless. It is better to control your emotions and talk about what bothers you instead.
3.  “You are just like your father!”
When you say this, you are probably talking about your father-in-law’s defects, rather than his good qualities. Besides not seeing your husband for who he really is, this type of statement will immediately make him take the defensive. Think about it. What would you like your child to be doing in a similar situation, when that day arrives?

4.  “You are a (insert negative adjective)!”
Name-calling is ugly. Whether it is comparing her with someone you know or making her feel worthless, it will make her feel more vulnerable.
5.  “Look, the kids are crying!”
STOP! Before you read any further, always remember: You should never, ever, argue in front of your children. If you use your children to gain advantage in a fight, it will only hurt your kids more.
6  “You are ALWAYS late, You NEVER do the dishes.”
Be wary of and even remove the words never and always from your vocabulary when describing something your spouse does that irritates you. By using these words, you show total lack of confidence and hope that your partner even has the desire to change. Never generalize.
7.  “It’s all your fault!”
Rarely, in fact, almost never is something, in a marriage, only one partner’s fault. Assume responsibility and recognize your own faults.
8.  “You don’t love me anymore!”
There is already plenty of drama to go around, so why add to it by telling your wife how she feels — whether she loves you or not? Respect her feelings. Making yourself the victim, reducing the problem’s importance and avoiding the problem does not resolve anything.
9.  “Why don’t you act more like (insert name here)’s husband?”
Do not compare the person you chose to be with to anyone else. You already saw and understood the best and the worst about him before you got married. Besides, if you see someone else looking perfect and desirable, it’s probably only on the outside. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Keep your problem at home.
10.  “My mother warned me about this!”
Bringing someone else into the fight is complicated enough as it is. Make that person your mother and the whole situation will probably explode. If you are so devoted to your mother, and if she had warned you about this, then why did you marry your wife in the first place? Most people already don’t like their mother-in-laws, but telling your wife that she is disliked by your mother will only make matters worse.
Now, just because you have used one or more of the phrases listed above, all is not lost. You can change. Stop now, ask for forgiveness, and set goals to stop repeating the mistake. No article, paper or manual can help you save your marriage or strengthen your family if you do not
apply what has been taught. Practice good communication. Your marriage is the most important relationship to keep strong, in order to maintain your family unity.
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