"I hurt my shoulder again! she tells me in frustration.
Last month it was my knee, now this... I don't know why I keep getting hurt. What's wrong with me?"
"What were you doing when you hurt it?" I ask.
"I was at the gym. Its always at the gym."
"What do you mean?" I want to know.
"Well I do weight training three times a week."
"Oh. Why?"
"Well to stay fit. I need to otherwise I gain weight. I hate it but I have to do it, you know?"
"No, not really." I say. "I dont know. If you hate it, why do you do it?"
"I told you, to stay fit and not get fat."
"Yes, ok I heard that part," I say, "but I mean, why don't you just do different kind of exercise if you hate it and you keep getting hurt?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know. What movement do you enjoy doing?"
"I don't know that I like movement at all. I only do it because I have to", she says pragmatically.
"Well, when you were little" I persist, ,"what physical things did you love to do?"
"Oh, I was always running around climbing on things and dancing. I loved spinning in our grass patch until I fell over from dizziness. I remember doing that until I was out of breath with spinning and laughing." She smiles nostalgically.
"Ok, so what about doing dancing, or something more playful and fun?"
She looks at me like I'm completely mad.
"Thats not exercise?"
"What? Why not? Don't those things get your heart rate up and build stamina and muscle strength?"
"I suppose so...", she says slowly and dubiously.
"So, why can't you do something fun as your exercise?"
She's quiet.
"Do you think your body enjoys your current exercise regime?" I ask.
"Well I keep getting hurt... so maybe not so much."
"And does it leave you feeling energised and good about life and uplifted after you do it?"
"I feel relived its over. Is that the same thing?"
"No", I say laughing. "You know it's not."
"I don't know... I just never considered trying a different kind of exercise."
"If you loved your body, what would you choose for it?"
"Something much kinder and slower'. She answers quickly.
"Wow, that was fast". I said. "What made you say that with such certainty."
"Because I never thought about it before but now it's obvious to me. What I'm doing is not very self-loving or kind to my body. I'm forcing myself to do this hard, structured thing that makes me feel stressed beforehand and relived after. I've been telling myself thats good but actually maybe it's more like torture."
"So if you got to dance and frolic and play a few times a week? How would that feel?"
"I think it would be a much happier way to live."
"So will you allow yourself to do it?"
"I don't know. I have to think about it", she replies. "It's not so easy to just make a change you know."
I know. I really know. That's why it helps to do it together with other lovely people.
This month inside the The Portal of Permission we are learning how to love ourselves in the way we move our body. Together.
It's rebellious, it's fabulous and its fun.
Click HERE to join us!
If I loved myself, how would I choose to move my body now?
