I grew up in a godly home, largely free from worldly influence. However, around the age of 12, I began secretly looking through clothing catalogs we received in the mail for sensual images to feed fantasies that were growing in my mind. It wasn’t long after that when I discovered self-gratification. By age 16, I was watching R-rated movies with sexually provocative scenes, drinking alcohol, and listening to rock music. Though I presented a “good guy” image on the outside, my inward rebellion was growing, and I had a life completely hidden from those around me. In my early twenties, I was baptized after I felt the Lord calling me to follow Him, and for a period of time, I actually experienced freedom from sexual sin. However, once we got access to the internet, the door to pornography was opened and I went back into sin, even deeper than before.

For the next 10 years, I cycled in and out of sexual sin but never experienced lasting victory. During a two-year period prior to coming to Pure Life Ministries, I reached a very dark place and gave up fighting. I gave myself completely over to my sin. In a moment of sheer hopelessness, the Lord broke through. I confessed my sin and was connected to Pure Life Ministries. When I arrived on campus, I was spiritually dead and didn’t feel like I could change. But the Lord began working to expose deep levels of pride and selfishness in my life. He showed me how selfish ambition had taken the place of Himself. He brought me to a place of complete surrender and pursuing Him now took the place of pursuing things.

One of the most impactful things I learned in the program was developing a devotional life. I learned how to give the first and best of my day to the Lord by spending time in prayer and His Word. As my relationship with the Lord began to grow there was a power that hadn’t been there before to overcome the desires of my flesh. When I read through the Gospels, I saw Jesus in a way I had never seen Him before. I saw His humility and that He never did anything out of selfish ambition or for selfish motives. This really impacted me, and I found Him to be more than just my Savior or Friend but an intimate lover. Before coming to Pure Life, I was bound by my own self-effort and striving and could never seem to get anywhere. Proverbs tells us that the way of the transgressor is hard. How true that was for me, until the Lord brought me to that place of surrender and taught me how to walk in His Spirit. I am so thankful for the new life Jesus has given me.