When I enrolled in the Pure Life Ministries Wives Program, I was in a place of utter desperation! The pain and hurt, confusion, sleeplessness and loss of appetite, all the while trying to hold it together for my four children were taking a toll on my body, mind, and soul. Panic attacks were frequent as my husband’s sexual sin played over and over in my mind. I also began experiencing physical effects and difficulty sleeping. Despite the tremendous hurt and pain, there was a relief in knowing that I wasn’t crazy all these years for thinking everything was always my fault.
The Christian man my husband had led me to believe he was, was nothing more than a façade. There are no words to express the pain I felt during those three horrible days of confession after confession of his sexual sin. Though he was learning how to tell the truth for the first time in our marriage, which was the beginning of something good, fear and my desire to protect myself took over. I went ahead and got the paperwork to file for divorce, and even took my parents’ advice to meet with a lawyer. It seemed like the only right thing to do. The people I trusted, agreed that it was the right thing to do. Yet, my four kids were holding me back from making this huge decision to split them up.
It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions, being led by my feelings at any given moment. The feelings of bitterness, anger, and selfishness were strong. Everything was happening so fast, but when I finally took some time to sit before the Lord and talk with Him, I heard Him say, “time.” When I shared this with my family and friends, they were very disappointed. The temptation to please man was powerful. I was torn between what they were telling me and what I heard God say. It was in this place, that God led me to Pure Life. After reading one of the Wives’ testimonies on the website, I decided to enroll and when I told my husband, he later enrolled in the Residential Program.
I was nervous about the program, not knowing what to expect, but I was ready to dive into God’s Word, to see what it said. I wanted in, I wanted all in! My counselor was a gift from the Lord. She gently guided me, challenged me, and encouraged me. I looked forward to meeting with her each week. Her prayers and guidance through God’s Word were what I needed! I started to see my own sin and pride, my idols, and my desperate need for God. The sermons and books were not homework to me, but food for my soul. Every week, God met me, and His Word was a lamp to my feet! I wanted to tell everyone how good God is and how much He suffered to show His love for us, and that we need to repent of our sin. The counsel I received was so helpful—it put the air back into my lungs! It was like I was reborn! I desperately needed to learn God’s Word and to start obeying it, no longer fearing man and trying to please man.
I am so thankful for how God used this program to save my life and my marriage. I was able to forgive my husband as he repented, while also receiving forgiveness from the Lord for my own sin and pride. The Lord has taught me to fear Him and has given me opportunities to share with my family and friends why I have chosen to forgive. God is the ultimate Judge. As I have learned to trust in Him and not my own understanding, I have found His love and peace to be more than enough.
