Do you know who you are?

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Subject: Do you know who you are?

Success Without Sacrifice

NEWSLETTER

Practical, lawyer-tested strategies for sustainable success in law and life.

Take away the title. And the law practice. The daily work.

Who's left?

For many lawyers, that question would make them feel… Uncomfortable. Actually, they’d probably have a panic attack.

Because for so many of us, "lawyer" isn't just what we do. It’s our identity.

Which is a problem.

THE PROBLEM:

Overidentification

When you self-identify based on what you do for a living, everything feels personal.

A case doesn't go well, or a deal falls apart... A reflection of your worth.
Unhappy client? You've failed as a person (never mind that the ask was unreasonable, the expectations impossible).
Try to take an entire day off (even while on vacation)? Guilt.

[If you're being honest, even when on vacation, you’re working deep into the evening when your family is sleeping. Which isn't much of a vacation.]

Fusing what you do for a living into your identity leads to perfectionism, lack of boundaries, and overthinking (and why so many lawyers end up burnt out).

CASE STUDY:

A client who couldn't retire

A lawyer came to me at retirement age.

His body knew it was time. His family knew. Rationally, he knew.

But his entire sense of self was wrapped up in being a lawyer. Without the practice, without the title, without the daily work... Who was he?

He was terrified of walking away from practicing law.

Yet 8 months after we began working together, he retired (happily, energized and looking forward to life as a retiree!).

How did he get there?

We dug into his values and his strengths (the things that actually made him him). Over the time we worked together, he came to realize that being a lawyer wasn't what defined him.

What did? How he showed up day in, day out. For his clients, yes — but also for his family, his friends, his community.

Curious.
Kind.
Fully present.

Using his listening skills (a real strength). Asking good questions to ensure he understood people (a strength tied to his value of curiosity).

And he did this:

As a lawyer.

As a spouse.

As a father.

As a friend.

As a person.

That's WHO he is, with or without the JD.

THIS IS COUNTERINTUITIVE:

The Truth

You might think that decoupling your identity from what you do will hurt your motivation, make you less committed. [That's what most lawyers I speak to think.]

Actually, no.

When your self-identity is tied to what you do, it’s impossible to:

Enforce boundaries
Do things outside of work without guilt
Take time off for rest

But space for yourself, hobbies outside of work, and actual rest are what motivate you to push through work difficulties. And they're what enable your mind to think clearly through chaos.

They make you better, Friend.

What you do for a living is what you do, not who you are.

And sure, there are things about you — values and strengths that make you who you are — that led you here.

But those things exist with or without the title.

XO,

Heather

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A B O U T

H E A T H E R

Former BigLaw partner. Lawyer coach. Cancer survivor. Mom x2. Recovering overachiever.

I traded in my $2.5MM+ practice to help lawyers create the kind of success that doesn’t come at the cost of their well-being.

Learn more about me here.

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Subject: Do you know who you are?