Valentine's Day Didn't Go As Planned? Let's Fix It!
Valentine's Day is in the history books for 2018. Some of us had a great day, but most of us have been filled with anxiety and angst about it since February 1 and February 15th wasn't much better.
If you are one of those thousands of women who had a crappy Valentine's Day or have trouble getting what you want and need from your man on any holiday or special occasion, stay tuned.
You are about to change your future for the better if you follow my instructions.
Look at what my clients wrote about Valentine's Day! Here are excerpts from the flood of letters I got in the past 2 days and tell me if:
This sounds like your man:
"It is too commercial and a Hallmark generated cluster %$@!"
"I hate being pressured to perform like a trained monkey. If I don't do exactly what tradition dictates, then I am made to feel wrong and guilty."
"Valentine's Day is for men that never take their wives to restaurants unless forced."
"Roses just went from $9.99/dozen to $50. What a rip! I'd rather spend my money another way...the way I choose."
"No matter what I do, it's never enough and it's never right. I give up!"
"Isn't it enough that I married you? Why do I have to prove it on command?"
"I tried to make a reservation and the place was booked. Go ahead and make one if you want and I'll show up."
"So, what about Valentine's Day. You know I love you. There's a game I want to watch. You don't mind, do you?"
"Thanks for the candy and the card. I forgot. I worked straight through. Sorry."
And if this sounds like you:
"I ran around like a chicken all day trying to get everything just right. Hair, nails, presents..all of it and he didn't even notice."
"I put a cute card in the dog's collar and sent it over to him this morning before I left for work. The dog got a pet, but no response to me…now I am worried he won't do anything for me. I've been sick to my stomach all day."
"I don't want to cook for him tonight. I want a little pampering for a change, but if I tell him, it feels like he's only doing something for me because I am making him."
"I was at work all day and had to endure the endless stream of flower delivery people and all of the girls squealing about their pretty roses and I got squat. I'm so humiliated and angry. The last thing I want to do is go home and put on a cheery face let alone get romantic."
I really want to celebrate Valentine's Day, but he doesn't. I'm going along with it to keep the peace, but my heart is broken."
OK, dear Whisperer's, listen up.
Every word that every one of the husbands and boyfriends expressed was a clue.
They were all stating their truth about Valentine's Day or birthday's or any occasion they might feel uncomfortable and unsafe about.
BUT even if they weren't conscious of it or even if they were, every one of these guys were waiting to see how you would handle the situation.
Would you pass or would you fail. Sad isn't it?
But instead of looking at his actions and wanting to bonk him in the head for testing you like that, look at his words as intel. Now that you have the information, you have great power.
What I want you to do right now is write down how you might handle each one of the men's comments from above.
Now I want you to advise each of the women above as to how to handle their situations as they stated them.
Here is what I suggest. Get Professional!
To every one of the men's comments, I have one answer.
Use it whenever you man makes a similar announcement. You say, "OK." That's it. No ranting, no raving, no fuss and no muss, just "OK."
**TIP: Your men were all waiting for a reaction! Perhaps they already had a couple popular scenarios of what you might do in their head already. By saying simply, "OK", I'll bet you blew up every thought he had running around in his head.
Now to answer all of the women who had situations or feelings like my clients… whether you felt angry, frustrated, abandoned, misunderstood, unloved, sad or taken for granted.
Do this:
NOTHING! Don't yell, scream, rant or rave, ignore, punish, blame or show disappointment.
**TIP: Men have a special radar for this kind of vibe and they will absolutely notice even if you try to hide it and he will not forget it. You will lose serious ground in his eyes and heart. But, by doing nothing, you are setting yourself up for success.
I am going to give you a carefully constructed way to talk to your man so that this never happens again.
In this way you can let him know what you want without him feeling blamed or uncomfortable.
Remember, horses like men will stay or come closer if the vibrational energy we put out is comfortable or inviting but will close-down or leave if it is not. Making him feel safe is the key and getting the jump on him is how you do it. Do not wait until last minute on this. Give him time to digest it.
You say,
"Honey, (my Birthday, Valentine's Day or other occasion) is (next month, next week or soon) and I understand you think, (state what he said) about it. I don't blame you. And, I have always been a romantic sucker, or feel excited like a little girl or (tell him how you REALLY FEEL) about it. It would be a big relief to agree on how to handle it ahead of time. I like when holidays or special occasions go smoothly. What do you think we should do?"
You can use this opportunity to let him know the rules of engagement; exactly what you do want, but it has to be strategically spoken to be successful.
Let me know how it works for you, Whisperers!
Love in Whispers,
Coach Katelyn
