| Anger - and how we can consciously deal with it
Whether others are discharging their anger on us, or we ourselves unload ours on others – generally this doesn´t create either a rapprochement of the positions or a solution of the conflict. Sometimes a so unconscious confrontation even leaves "a scorched earth". Viola Schöpe talks about her way of not only allowing anger, but also of constructively dealing with it in such a way that a positive feeling for life arises. Very early in childhood, I was confronted with the issue of anger and had to face it. My father could be very angry and I reacted once while being hurt, I felt small, misunderstood and unloved. I invented protective mechanisms but it was very energy consumer because it takes time to rebuild - some verbal wounds were so deep that it took years to let them go ... But who knows not that. On the other hand everyone experiences the anger on oneself or on others. I let myself be so provoked by an old friend that I throw a fit of anger. He said in relation to this that he was happy that I had finally expressed my anger. It tightened me even more, and the relationship ended some time later. Subsequently, I looked for other solutions and ended up finding.
Show me your anger
On this theme, I find in Osho a beautiful story: A Zen student came to Bankei and said: “Master, I have an ungovernable temper — how can I cure it?”
“Show me this temper,” said Bankei, “it sounds fascinating.”
“I haven’t got it right now,” said the student, “so I can’t show it to you.”
“Well then” said Bankei, “bring it to me when you have it.”
“But I can’t bring it just when I happen to have it,” protested the student. “It arises unexpectedly, and I would surely lose it before I got it to you.”
“In that case,” said Bankei, “it cannot be part of your true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you — so it must come into you from the outside. I suggest that whenever it gets into you, you beat yourself with a stick until the temper can’t stand it, and runs away.”
The next time you are angry, run seven times around the house, then sit under a tree and see what became of anger. You did not suppress it, you did not throw it on the other ... Anger is just a mental irruption ... It is not necessary to unload it on the others ... Do a little jogging or take a pillow and hit it until the hands and teeth are relaxed. Transformation means that you do not control, but just become conscious. Anger comes, it's something beautiful, it's like electricity in the clouds ...
Even if the anger is right there, it falls down when you become aware of it all of a sudden. Try it! Right in the middle, if you're in a rage and you want to kill someone - suddenly become conscious and you'll notice something has changed. An internal process is under way. You can feel the click. Something has changed, your inner has relaxed.
It may take some time before your outer envelope relaxes, but the inner being has already relaxed. The cooperation is broken ... now you do not identify anymore. The body needs a little time to cool down, but deep in the center, you have coolness .. When you have that coolness, you can enjoy the whole world. If you are "hot", you lose yourself, you identify yourself, you get entangled in it - how can you still enjoy the world?
This may seem paradoxical, but I tell you:
Only a Buddha loves the world. If you feel anger, then do not discharge it on others, but do not suppress it either. Anger is a powerful phenomenon that can be deflected in a positive direction.
To be aware
It was a useful approach, but how should I put it into practice, "turn the switch consciously"? It occupied me for a long time, especially in my relations, in which always anger rose on both sides.
I learned "The Body-Mirror System" Healing Method of Martin Brofman and explored my consciousness. A basic idea of this healing method is that everything begins in your own consciousness and that everyone creates their reality with their perceptions. One learns to work with the power of consciousness and with energy, and we can easily put it into practice, so also in contact with anger.
For example, when two people communicate with each other from different levels, this can lead to misunderstandings, because different realities have clashed and anger comes up. So it is important to be aware of this and look at what it takes to find again the way to clear communication. Again and again, letting go is required, although we firmly believe that we are right. As long as we do not learn to see the world also through another filter, we will fall back into the trap of limit, anger, judgment and opinion. Our vision of the world will remain limited. But if we open ourselves from other points of view, we realize that there are many realities and that one must not be wrong for the other to be true.
Freedom and power
Exercising our power, our ability to tell the truth, to be who we really are, is really what allows us to take control of our freedom. Our power or our freedom, we have abandoned them in many ways, through our way of speaking, thinking and being. If we say or think, for example, something like: "That person makes me angry," we let the other person our power or freedom to decide if we are angry or not.
We have admitted that we are helpless and the victims, and that this person has the power to decide when we are angry. We give the situation or the person the power and allow him to manipulate. But we are the ones who decide whether we are angry or not. If we are conscious in the moment, we are creative, keep our freedom and can do something else. It would be more appropriate to say, " I let my anger go out freely if that person does that."
In this way, we realize that we are the one who gets angry, and, moreover, that we have chosen to feel anger or something else. No one but ourselves makes us" wicked ", sad, depressed, happy, sexy, or bored, etc. If we are now in a process where we have found that we always decide on our lives, preferences, actions, feelings – why should we not exercise our decision-making power at all levels ? That is, we increasingly encourage ourselves to be happy.
Anger and energy
I often hear: " He / she has a negative energy that makes me angry."
But energy is essentially neutral. We decide to negatively or positively describe and treat it in a specific way, also about anger. If someone shouts and we say to ourselves, "Yes, shout louder, it's good for my healing," we transform that energy and use it for ourselves. This does not mean we laugh at the other or we do not take them seriously, but we decide how we react to that energy, and we can use it for ourselves, rather than using it against us.This is always our choice.If we see things like this , then everything can be transformed and used in a positive way for us.This depends on us, to what extent we engage in the creative process.We are all creators of our reality.
Different filter of perception
We move all day through our energy system, see through various perceptual filters, depending on the motivation we have chosen in the moment for us. On our screen are always projected programs with different scenarios. And we choose at any time what program we are looking at.
Therefore, it is important that there is no interference on any of the channels. When we see through a filter in which there are tensions, the picture is distorted by this tension. When the tension is removed, the distorsion disappears. And as with every television, we can, if a program does not please us, change the channel and we decide to look through another filter another scenario. For example, when one looks at a person and replaces anger with unconditional love or sees it through the role of creator, then the film changes.
Deal with anger
For me, have started to grow, thanks to this point of view, a new understanding of myself and confidence in my perceptions. I have learned to attract situations in my life that are harmonious, respectful and clear and to understand anger as an energy. I learned to manage anger by applying the ideas of the BMS healing method. If I wanted to have my freedom, I had to be ready to respect the freedom of others. I realized that I also decide what people I want to be with.
If I decided to be with somebody who judges me, I might feel like a weed that grows in a garden and have the constant feeling that I have to justify myself and my life. Instead, I decided to be together with people who do not judge me, but rather enjoy what I am. I realized that I was not a weed, but rather a flower in the wrong garden. I was then able to feel free and relaxed to live and be who I really am, and to love myself.
Viola Schöpe (Article released in the Magazine " SEIN " in Germany) |