Hi Friend,

First: a thank you.

Thank you to everyone whose heart opened and stretched towards us after reading last week's newsletter about the recent tragic loss in our family.

Thank you to everyone who wrote to me and said that my words helped heal/touch/connect something in them for their own grief process.

And yes, it is fine if you want to forward to people in your networks of trust any emails I write if they touch you and you think they might support others.

That said, there's a few small corrections to the last letter: I managed to misspell Krissy's name in the first line of the email (oops) The paragraph about indigenous lands should include traveling from Mohican lands (which is where we live) through Mohawk lands (people of the flint) into Oneida lands, etc. And when thinking about the responsibilities of the different clans to one another, it is also worth noting that the Bear Clan had choice and agency; they chose to take up the role and accepted the accompanying responsibilities about caring for members of the Beaver Clan who were engaging with their own grief.

We want to share our compassion for everyone who is in the midst of their own loss of family/friends/countrymen/communities of care. Close at home or on the other side of the world.

Thank you to everyone who contributed funds - in the last 10 days or so, we have raised over $8,000, which means the family can cover immediate funeral expenses. As you may know, these things are not inexpensive (the average funeral costs in the U.S. range from $6,000 - $9,000). Your support is thus a tremendous relief, as there was no money set aside for Monty's passing. I know some of you are continuing to share the site, and that is also appreciated.

Thank you for those of you who are coming, in person, to help me and us with various things, to sip ginger tea and chew on molasses cookies (yes, I'm totally comfort baking!) To contemplate the strangeness and wildness of this embodied journey together.

We feel your care.

For everyone who has asked me some version of, "Should I create my own will for myself?" - we say: yes. Yes indeed. Definitely a good idea. Regardless of your age/stage of life/health status. You can create a very simple and basic one, regardless of how long you think you might live, or you can work to create a more extensive one. For those of you who run their own business/non-profit, don't forget that your personal/private will does not cover your business/entity. You will need a separate succession plan for that and it would be good if your business bank as well as your business partners (or whomever you leaving the entity for, or whomever you want to close it in the case of your passing to the non-embodied realms) has a copy and knows what your intention is.

Whilst in the midst of going through her son's paperwork, Krissy decided we need to get our own paper work in order. We have both started the process.

Death, as an unavoidable part of life, can entail quite a fair amount of work.

Just the other day, I was dropping by Krissy's daughter's house in the Albany region to pick up some paperwork on my way to Massachusetts. Krissy was in Buffalo, where her mother, Kathleen, who has been undergoing cancer treatments in the last 9 months, is in the ICU, as the last few weeks have not been going well. Krissy's daughter was at home with her 4-month-old - the cutest big baby I've known - and her dog and two cats while her husband was working. As I was petting the dog (who was convinced that despite two walks that day she had not had any attention), she told me the latest news: Kathleen was now actively dying.

For a while, I just held her. And the baby. And then I went to get her food, which she took with her on the next train headed west to Buffalo. I traveled east, accompanied by one of my elders, across the Berkshire Mountains, into the Algonquin-speaking lands of the Pocomtuc peoples, to what is now Woolman Hill, in western Massachusettes, where I, with the support of my elders, led the retreat, If Quakers Were Witches.... surrounded by blossoming apple trees and cherry trees and bright green leaves everywhere reminding me: Life keeps returning.

A few hours after my arrival at the retreat center, as the light was fading from the sky and the glorious bird song was quieting, Krissy texted me: her mother had transitioned to the other side. Krissy was in the room with her mother when this transition occurred.

Ah! I exhaled.

My elders sat with me and held me. Silence graced our time together. Grief was shared - differently than a few weeks ago, but nonetheless, shared.

Later, Krissy commented on the unexpected timing of that day: it was a bit of fortuitous chance that I stopped by her daughter's house when I did. We didn’t really plan it that way. Because of it, I was able to be there right after she got the news, so she was not as alone, to hold her for a few moments before she had to quickly pack, to get her food for her journey.

How can you think of eating amidst so much dying? But that is what we do, and need to keep doing, to be amongst the living: to keep eating. And so food is so important. Every day. Our daily bread. Every day. Giving gratitude.

I agreed.

This is all impossible to hold. Which is not the point.

We do not hold "it".

We are just in it.

And in the midst of it, there are these moments, sometimes quite small, of grace.

Kathleen’s funeral was this past Monday, May 5, held at the Baptist Church on the Tuscarora Nation, which was an important part of her own spiritual life. The pastor’s own parents grew up with Kathleen. Her reception was held at the Nation House, just down the road. She was buried next to her grandson, Monty. I've included her obituary at the end of this email.

People keep asking me how Krissy is: well, as you may well imagine, she is quite tired. This is a lot.

A few non-related but still pertinent items….

1) In preparation for this upcoming Quaker/Witchy/Beltane gathering, I wrote a reflection on my father's mother, Margaret Crogan Wolcott, who was an influential Quaker in California, and about some of the ways she was what today I might call very 'witchy'. I wrote it for an Anabaptist audience, but it might resonate with quite a number of you. Please click here to read.

2) We are offering our next (and probably last for this season) ReMembering Course Informational Webinar on Friday, May 9. The course itself will start on Friday, May 23, in the afternoon. The ReMembering Course is a life-affirming Course and I do hope you can join us!

Finally: I want to mention that I've noticed that these sharings of passing can be quite evocative of multiple dimensions of loss/grief for you. And so I want to end this musing with a reminder that grief (and joy) are communal.

This experience of being a part of this largely watery planet is a communal one, and that grief (and joy) flow between and amidst us.

Which means: keep connecting and sharing - grief and joy and even grumpiness- with one another. Keep embracing. Yourself. Friends. Trees. Memories. Babies. Traditions. Songs. In whatever way embracing makes sense and can be part of your process of re-membering and re-en-chant-ing for you.

Again we thank you for your prayers, well wishes and financial donations.

Many blessings and appreciations -

Sara Jolena

ps - please do feel free to share this upcoming ReMembering Course info webinar to anyone whom you think might be interested! We have a few spots left in the Course itself which starts in a few weeks: Friday, May 23.

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Kathleen Wheatley's obituary

Kathleen (Patterson) Wheatley, a cherished member of the Beaver Clan of the Tuscarora Nation, passed away peacefully on May 1, 2025, surrounded by family. Born on June 10, 1943, she was raised on the Tuscarora Reservation in New York and where she spent her summers after Kathleen made her home in Brea, California with her daughter Karla and son-in-law Paul Goden.

She is survived by her children Kevin (Aim) Wheatley, Karla (Paul) Goden, Kristine Hill, and their father Ken Wheatley; grandchildren Rachel (Yasiel Cabrera) Hill, Kimberly Hill, Logan Hill, Patrick Goden, and Hilary Goden; great-grandchildren Yehwatsironnyons Gibson Lynn Clayton Maracle Hill, and Elio Račaka'ne' Cabrera; and her son-in-law Donald Hill.

Her beloved oldest grandson, Dr. Rahnekawę:rih Montgomery (Monty) Hill, preceded her in death just weeks before her passing.

Kathleen was the daughter of the late Percy and Eleanor (Chew) Patterson and was preceded in death by her brothers Chief Stuart (Doris), Myron "Monk", and Norman (late Clara) Patterson; and sisters Patricia (late Melvin) Wegerski, Beatrice (late Ollie) Best, and Clara (late Lawrence) Fish. She is survived by her brother Percy “Pete” (late Deanna) Patterson and sisters Prisciela Williams and Sarah (late Tom) Kennedy, as well as two beloved aunties, Norma (late Simon) Brascoupe and Ida Sealoff.

Affectionately known by many names—Auntie I Know, Queen Leen, Auntie, Mimi, or simply Leen—Kathleen was a loving matriarch and safe haven to an extended family of nieces, nephews, and cousins as well as to her chosen family with many, like her 42-year friendship with Mary Mead. Her warmth, humor, sassiness, and grace made her a cornerstone in their lives.

The family wishes to express their heartfelt gratitude to Kathleen’s medical team at Roswell Park Comprehensive Cancer Center and to the anonymous bone marrow donor whose gift provided hope and embraced the generosity Kathleen exhibited in life.

The family requests that any desired donations be made to Nęyękwawęta'θkwáhshek Tuscarora Language Program (NEST). NEST is the first introduction to the language for many of our newest community members and helps to build our speech community by facilitating family interconnectedness. This program combines Mimi’s love of kids with Monty’s love of our language.

PayPal:

BundledArrowsInc@gmail.com or TuscaroraLanguage@gmail.com

Venmo:

@BundledArrowsInc