People like me talk a lot about grit, resilience, and mental toughness. I believe, rightfully so.
But according to the influencer class—from the boardroom to the gym and all points in between—we’re told that the key to success is to “never quit” and “power through” any obstacle. What if this relentless focus on toughness, however, is hurting us more than it helps?
We are really talking about is the “sunk cost fallacy” here. This is a cognitive bias where individuals continue an endeavor even when it is no longer beneficial.
While pushing through adversity can certainly build character and help us achieve great things, there’s also a dark side. When grit turns into stubbornness, people ignore warning signs, neglect their health, and refuse to ask for help.
In high-pressure environments, this can mean working through illness or burnout, convinced that taking a break is a sign of weakness. In sports, it can mean playing through pain and turning a minor injury into a major one.
This “never quit” mentality will—ironically—often backfire. This leads to exhaustion, chronic stress, and even long-term damage. The truth is, sometimes the toughest thing you can do is admit you need rest, support, or even a change of direction.
Another problem with the grit narrative—though I do love it—is the idea that success is all about individual toughness. Everyone should have support, whether it’s from family, friends, mentors, or teammates. Pretending to do it all alone not only isolates us, but it also sets us up for failure when we inevitably hit a wall.
Resilience isn’t about mindlessly pushing forward at all costs. It’s about knowing when to act, when to pivot, and when to rest. True mental toughness means being honest with yourself, asking for help when you need it, and recognizing that changing course isn’t the same as giving up.
On occasion, in a culture that can be obsessed with toughness, the most courageous thing you can do is show yourself—and others—some compassion. Sometimes, the bravest action is knowing when to stop, regroup, and come back stronger.
Want to figure this out with us? Another cohort of O’Leary’s Inner Sphere—a quarterly online mastermind with limited availability—will be spinning up before we know it.
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As always,
Brian
